Party Rock Anthem

USM party... Let me give you some deets. Think of a frat house from college. Then throw in some middle aged men, some 20 somethings, some 30 somethings, several young, skankily clad Nigerian women... And then add alcohol. Yea... that's what it was like. I mean, don't get me wrong. It was plenty of fun to people watch and such. But seeing old... like visibly old white dudes getting up on young Nigerian women... kind of skeezy. Ok, really skeezy. Well no matter, it was still fun. Throw in some Jack and Coke, Sam Adams, Heineken, etc. Everyone's having a grand ol' time. It was a little weird getting drunk in front of my boss though. It's not something I'm totally comfortable with... so I definitely behaved. I don't know what's standard protocol in the expat world, but it definitely seems like there's a fuzzy line between not allowing work and social lives crossing. Anyway, I made friends with the Ms. They seem like good people to be buddy-buddy with if anything ever goes south. These boys look sooo young. Baby-faced... faces as smooth as a baby's bum. It's kind of adorable... also kind of weird. But no matter, they are still really nice. They even gave us a lift home, which technically I don't think they were supposed to do since they were still under midnight curfew and it was past midnight. But regardless, I'm grateful. I'm excited to go to the ball they are hosting next month. I bought a ticket to it- the ticket is not a piece of paper. No, it's a thing of metal that could probably break a window if I threw it. Probably the best souvenir for an event I've ever seen. A ticket AND a momento. Can't wait to get dressed up and party a bit more in a few weeks.

Happy Africa

I love Africa. Maybe this is too big of a blanket statement. But I do. I step outside, take a deep breath, and Ahhhhh there's the smell. That distinct Africa smell. I can't explain what it is. But I love it. Even at my lowest points when I'm here, I still love it. Deep inside.

That being said, Hello! I write from a different continent in a different time zone. I have nothing special to report. I haven't started work yet so really there's nothing unique to say.

All I have to say is this: you are not allowed to complain about being here until you have been here at least a month. You have to embrace the situation and understand that this is not Amurica. Things work differently here and yes, things do not always work the way you wish or want. But this is the way things work here. And yes, maybe you didn't sign up to live in a hut in Africa. But you have to understand that your life is 1000x better than many of those around you and you may not have as many amenities as you would back at home at your disposable. Welcome To Africa. Accept it/ suck it up or please leave.

Give me the BC

Best birth control ever - have teenage children in the house. For a month. And have them play piano and do Chinese homework on top of regular school homework. We'll see how much you want kids after that. Attitudes running wild. NO THANK YOU.

I thought babies and toddlers in their terrible 2s were bad. Noooooooooooooooo. Teenagers. Crazy, hormonal, psychotic, attitude filled, back-talking, wild creatures.

So tie those tubes, pop those pills, pull and pray, do it in the back door, put on the latex raincoat. Just please please please- NO BABIES.

Job Searching

It's like beating a dead horse. Or actually it's what I called beating a dead cat. Why I say cat, you ask? I have no idea. I DID see a dead bird on the street today. Which is probably why I thought of a cat, since cats like to attack birds... yes, don't worry, I haven't totally lost my mind yet. I don't think.

This is what I do:
Over and over. Look up jobs. Tweek cover letter. Submit resume. Rinse. Repeat. Until you want to commit suicide. Then rinse and repeat again.

... I need a job...

In other news, I have a boyfriend. He's great. I'll spare you the morbid, gross details, but he's way too sweet for me. I'm all scary and messed up. He's all happy with hugs or at least when it comes to dealing with me. I have problems... 

Also, here's the thing. If you're going to cheat on your boyfriend (not saying I AM, just general advice), HAVE SEX. If you're going to cheat emotionally, that's just boring and stupid. If you're GOING to cheat, just go all out. It's easier for everyone. You don't have do the whole talk about how you didn't do anything but yet you had feelings for some other boy. Blah blah blah.

But if you're going to cheat, always remember: karma has a nasty way of sneaking back up and biting you in the rear end. Really really hard.

That's all.

Bye Bye Boston

Well guys, I'm officially not a resident of Boston anymore. For now. I moved home today. 17 hours in a vehicle and bang, I'm back in Wisconsin, laying in my twin bunk bed. I do love this bed. I've had it since I was a very small person. I looked back at my posts about moving out to Boston and realized I have the same philosophy as I did when I moved before: Less is More. Obviously I didn't learn that. And obviously I have way too much junk. It's currently all sitting in the garage. I will have to go through it all tomorrow... aka today... I'm definitely dreading that task.

Sad/frustrating news: a bag of mine got crushed in the packing of the van. A bag that should not be crushed. It now has permanent wrinkles and will never be the same. I'm so sad.

I miss the people who touched my life in Boston already. Sigh.

Uganda... 1 week... Lift off will occur Thursday, July 8th. I have so much to do before I leave!!! I feel like I should make an Africa blog. So many people do it. I might as well follow the trend. I'm thinking: travel blog for anyone interested and keeping this one for random brain ramblings.

Okay, my brain is failing right now so I'm signing off.

I will Always be a Midwest Girl at heart

Favorites:

TV Show: Glee. It's amazing.
Song: Need You Now- Lady Antebellum
Food: Watermelon
Thing to Buy: Shoes. Two pairs of heels since I've been home. I have a problem, but I'm okay with it.

Here's a story, friends, about when a guy pursues a girl... it went something like this:
His thoughts: "She's so cute. She's so nice. I want to ask her out. I just got her number. This means she's interested. What should I do? I know I walked her home... so do I lean in for a kiss? Crap, I'm so drunk. I can't think that clearly... Should I give her a good-bye hug? What should I do? Sh*t sh*t sh*t and NOW..."
ACTUAL ACTION: Gives her a High Five and leaves to go home... only to be so drunk he wakes up to find himself passed out on the hardwood floor and his wallet in the fridge.

Dear friend this actually happened to,
This is one of my favorite drunken, guy-pursuing-girl stories ever. Don't worry, I still like you.

I had the honor of seeing a wonderful friend this afternoon. I love her! Anyway, we were in VS. This is where I lost my sunglasses (SOB). But also where one of my favorite memories from the summer happened. It went something like this...
I'm trying on bras. My friend is trying on swimsuits. (PS she has uhhh-mazing abs.) We're talking about what bra I should get. I'm wearing one, we had been talking about my chest and boobs in general... then she proceeds to ask me about how it feels. Unsure of what she's talking about, I respond with: they feel fine, I never get back pain, Why? She goes: um... I was talking about the bra. And we proceed to LOL in the dressing room. It was way funnier had you been there with us... me shirtless, her just staring at me like I'm insane (which sometimes I might be). It kind of brought me back to the memories of us living together... when being shirtless was commonplace. The only thing we were missing today was S. I miss both of them so much; maybe someday we'll live together again! 

I love the Midwest. 

• Driving in a car in the suburbs
• I did get pulled over by a cop last night for being a complete idiot. Good thing I didn't get a ticket!
• My silly cat
• She's so cute! And rather demanding. I may also be slightly allergic... doesn't matter. I will pet her and love her anyway.
• Sleeping in a bunk bed 
• Or as my dad calls it: a bunker bed. The same bed I've been sleeping in for years... or for most of my life.
• Hanging out at the kitchen table in my pajamas
• I do it often when I'm home now. Including right now.
• Suburban malls
• I love them! Such a different feeling here... I have spent way too much money.
• Suburban Target
• I don't think this needs further details... self-explanatory 
• Wisconsin
• I love the Home of Beer and Cheese. Though I strongly dislike cheese. It's so strange and doesn't taste very good to me.  
• I swung by my high school today. Remodeled... it's just not the same. Those blue and yellow panels you used to have? Now that they're gone, I feel betrayed.
• Badgerland...
• LOVE!

 Home Saweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Home.

Two heads are NOT better than one

My experiences from this weekend has led me to lose most of my barely existent hope in the fundamental normalness of the opposite sex...

Dear Shortie aka Hipster aka I've written about you before,
1) Red handkerchief thing makes you look like a cowboy. A hipster cowboy. You look ridiculous
2) Asking me to tell you 3 interesting things about myself is not a pick up line.
3) Nor is "I recently saw a movie that was really deep and meaningful. It was called Toy Story."
4) Sticking your tongue down my throat is completely uncalled for, disgusting, and not a way to win my heart. Ever.
5) Please never speak to me again.

Dear Grabber,
1) Hanging onto my elbow as I take a break from the dance floor is not a good way to get my attention.
2) Not letting go when I deliberately refuse to turn and look at you and start making conversation with my friends is really not okay.
3) The fact that I walked away without ever looking at you and grabbing the first guy friend I see to dance with is an indication that I'm not interested. Stop staring.

There has to be a rule for texting. I'm sure of it. A school people need to be sent to where they learn how to text new friends appropriately. Where they learn what is okay and not okay to say to people they are interested in. If we're friends and we text crazy things, that's one thing. Texting me if you barely know me at all should be kept to appropriate, friendly, neutral, normal things.

And again, may I reiterate, grabbing a girl, sticking your tongue down her throat, and telling her you may never get this chance again when she has not flirted with you is NOT OKAY.

My theme song is Telephone.

PS Saw the singer JoJo on Saturday night. Who knew she was still singing? Not I.
PPS There may have been pole dancing on Friday night- I did not partake in that one. BUT I may have been ridiculous enough to have danced on a runway Saturday night.

Starstruck

I SAW THE MOST AMAZING FIGURE SKATER EVER TODAY; her initials are MK and she's Asian. Come on, I think you can guess who it is. I was in awe, like one of those stupid fans that just stands there and stares. I didn't realize it was her in the beginning. I was just staring out at the people at work and then was like: "Hmm she looks familiar. Oh wait, is that MK? That IS MK! Wow, she looks amazing in person, all decked out in work out clothes with a yoga mat." It was amazing. I was so excited. I SAW HER. I was tempted to run out of the store and get her autograph, but I restrained myself. Maybe someday I'll be able to get it. Maybe we can be friends? Haha probably not.

Running hurts. My legs hurt. It is difficult. I'm trying to get my body to like to run. Watching the Boston Marathon? PHENOMENAL. People are amazing. They run so fast. They run 26.2 miles faster than I would run a half-marathon. Inspired me to want to love running. Thus far, I hate it. It hurts. Any Advice?

Oh it's Tuesday

Sometimes life just isn't fair. If you're attractive and you're as dumb as a box of rocks, that is unbelievably unfortunate. If you're as bright as a light bulb and uglier than fugly, that is also ridiculously unlucky.

I am currently eating yogurt with a spoon- it is rather difficult. I'm losing a lot of yogurt.

I have a giant bruise on my foot where a girl stepped on me Saturday night at a bar. That is also unfortunate.

I have an incredible case of ADHD or something to that effect right now. It is rather absurd.

I want to do an internship abroad, but that is proving to be much harder to figure out and plan than expected. Especially when you're waiting to hear back from other people. I've been googling plane ticket prices recently. Flights to Africa are so so so expensive! Yeeouch! I could break the bank to try and fly there.

So here's a question for you: would you rather be gorgeous yet stupid or ugly yet brilliant? And no, you cannot say "I'd just like to be a happy medium of both." It doesn't work like that. One or the other!

And finally I would like to conclude with something written by the amazing writer Shel Silverstein because it is stuck in my head:

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too went for a ride in a flying shoe,
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It's time we flew!" said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.

Ickle was Captain
Pickle was Crew
Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher and Higher and HIGHER they flew,
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!" cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Never returned to the world they knew
And nobody knows
What Happened to
Dear Ickle Me,
Pickle Me,
Tickle Me too.

Drums, a Guy & a Pair of Shoes

I haven't had anything good to write about in a while, but I do now.

Yesterday I saw an Asian drum show. The one main drummer dude... amazing. He was intensely ripped. Like whoa. He was Asian so I say this in the most platonic, observant way possible. At the end, the guys wore loin clothes and drummed. His a$$ was great. His entire body... whoa... I haven't seen someone that built in real life in a while. Aside from that, the show itself was sweet. Phenomenal. Fantastic. Any more words to describe it? Oh: powerful, intense, passionate, and super meditative. It was WOW! Loved!

Then I went to a club with my Asians. Just a few that I'm better friends with. And I clubbed... well let's just say I was there, had been sick with the stomach flu all week, and consumed nothing but the ambiance, guys' cologne, girls' perfume, sweaty air, and horribly mixed club music. While I was at said club, a guy who is friends with the Asian posse (who is also Asians- your red flags should already be going up) arrived. Greeted me with a little squeeze on the side and a nice hello with the eyes, along with a verbal hello. Mentally, I said oh no. Outwardly I said hi and ran away. (background about him, we'll call him... Shortie, cuz he was shorter than me when I was wearing 5 inch heels: at a friend's bday outing last month, he asked me if I was single as I walked by him. I said yes and kept walking, not thinking much of it. For the rest of the night, he just watched me from afar. Then as he left, he told me how nice I looked. I didn't think much of it but that's the background) Last night, the squeeze and the hello... I ran away. Then the night carried on. I didn't see him. I danced. My friend starting dancing with these other Asian guys we didn't know... I. did. not. The night wore on. All of a sudden, Shortie materialized by my side and was saying good-bye to all my friends. Then my dialogue with him went like this:

• Shortie: I'm leaving now.
• Me: Ok
• Shortie: If you ask me to stay, I'll stay
  
• Me: You should stay if you want to
• Shortie: Give me a reason to stay. I have to leave but I can stay 5 more minutes if you ask me to stay
• Me: You should stay if you want to...
• Shortie: You're breaking my heart
• Me: What? (pretending I didn't hear him over the music and people)
• Him: I'm going to go now
• Me: Okay, BYE!!

Yup. That's how it went. "You're breaking my heart"?!?!?! What does that mean? I mean, boy, I don't know you. We've never had a real conversation. I haven't done anything to you. I DON'T want you to stay but I'm too nice to tell you that. Who are you? I mean overall, I. am. not. interested. @(*@!&#^#&*^

But on a happier note, I got a free pair of Fergalicious by Fergie shoes at the bar. They were giving 15 pairs away at the bar and I got one! They're black gladiator heels, zipper down the middle, very cute! So much fun and FREE!! Then on our way home from the bar, we managed to squeeze 4 people in the back seat and 2 people in the passenger seat of a little Honda. No worries, no drunk driving, just an illegal number of passengers.

Recap of the night:

• Drums are awesome.
• Shortie = that was weird. I don't like you if you're weird. I don't like uncomfortable situations. I run away. Plus, I don't want to date right now, but that's a whole other discussion. And another thought, if you're Asian, I'm sorry but you better be able to knock my socks off, shoot stars out of your behind, and be able to outshine the sun before I consider dating you. AAAAND I will only reconsider if you look like a particular C-pop star I think is hot. Sorry... it's a slight problem I have. Let's just call it baggage and leave it at that. Soooooo the recap kind of went on a tangent. But was only supposed to say: Shortie, my answer is no no.
  
• I got a new pair of shoes for free.

See? Much better Jess post, wouldn't you say? Did you giggle a little? I did as I wrote it.

Normal People Sleep

And yet, I am not normal. I mean, it is obviously a state I aspire to achieve. Normalness. But I have yet to reach that point in life. So here I am. Rocking the 4am, I need to leave soon for my flight back to that state where I used to live in. A few days back home. A few days... not enough, yet quite enough.

Today, people were walking around the mall like crazy people. I mean... I have an unusually judgmental mind that has many thoughts... judging people. I just never say them out loud. For the most part. Today, people were walking around the mall like they were insane. At first, I figured the first person was just... you know... a little unique. But after I saw person after person doing weird things... I knew it was not just me seeing special people. One person walked around by bringing her knees as high as they would go. One lady walked around like she was doing the freaking wedding march. There was a skip hop thing going on with a few people. There were people walking sooo strangely. One step, kick foot out, next step, kick foot out again. I really thought it was just me, judging people. I don't think it was. I also don't think it was just people who could not control what they were doing. They were seriously just being weird as... well just weird.

I physically cannot drink 3 nights in a row. Can't happen. I can barely drink 1 night. So tonight would have been night number 3. Nope, couldn't do it. My liver, body, mind, fingers, feet, and soul recoiled at the thought of sipping anything less than a Diet Coke straight up. So I didn't. But can I say... men are strange creatures. They are not much different no matter where you venture. Midwest, East Coast, West Coast... a mad fascination with body parts and nothing else. Seriously people, we, women, have brains. We have personalities. We have feelings. We are not just objects you can collect, put on your mantle, and play with once in a while. Get your mind out of the gutter (though mine is there often) and FOCUS. Up here. Not down there. OR over there. FOCUS.

Midterms are over. And as you can see with my 4am writing, I am not back to normal. I am beyond fixable at this point. Late night owl, daytime sloth, evening semi-functional human. I hope I passed... it would suck to have to do this semester over again. But yet it is slightly likely I might have to. Ew... I suck.

Jay Chou at 4am in the morning, not great. Weird French songs (including French rap) where I can't understand any of the words, on the other hand, fascinatingly poignant.

I wonder if I'll ever be on a real sleep cycle again. Ugh I don't want to be on an air-o-plane in 6 hours-ish. Flying... you know, we have a love-hate relationship. Well my French song is done so I guess I will attempt at laying in my bed again. Wish me luck. And if you're part of the Sconnie Nation and you read this, you now know I'll be home til Wednesday. Send me a "hi" or something! The likelihood that I'll see the outside world? Well, that's questionable and if you know me, you'd know that.

xoxo

Dear...

Dear friends who read this and anyone else who is unfortunate enough to stumble upon my blog,
I am debating buying some Uggs... Yes, I know this will go against everything my Midwestern mind has been taught. But it is cold here, on the East coast... and I need boots. So unless you can come up with some other kinds of boots to keep my feetsies warm this winter, I may purchase some Uggs. Dont judge, suggest other options!

Dear Neighbor,
Whoever you are, you wear heels all the time. They may make you look 10 feet tall or give you a boost of confidence or are the only things you have to wear, but they are annoying. I can hear you tap tap tapping across the floor at 7am... at 8pm... How about we walk around the apartment barefoot for a while?

Dear Work,
I do like you. You pay me money. But I do not like the unexpected schedule change. You have officially taken over my weekends. I will see you again soon...

Dear Santa,
All I want for Christmas this year is money. Lots and Lot of money. If you could print like $100,000 for me, I would be grateful. Or at least enough to cover my rent and tuition, I'd be a happy camper. I always believed you were real. I swear. On my family's cat's life... all 9 of them. Please make my wish come true, oh please?!

Dear East Coast City,
It snowed. It looks awesome. Except now why the hell are you so icy? Not only are you icy... the stupid ice covers your stupid brick or cobblestone sidewalks. No, it does not make it any easier to walk on. Seriously, we need to consider laying concrete down... Brick just doesn't do it for my ankles. One of these days, I'm going to break one and then I'll really have something to bitch about.