It's almost August

Facebook has unfortunately been blocked on my work computer so work life just got a little more boring. And Pandora. And YouTube. And all those other fun sites. Maybe it's time to think about investing in a smartphone...

A lot of my friends in Abuja have either left already or on their way out. And I'm about ready to join them. It's been an awesome year. I have done some things I never thought I would have done in Abuja this year:

• Walked home at almost 5AM in the morning (don't recommend)
• Jumping in the pool with friends at 3AM (I do recommend this but only if you have a change of clothes or a towel) 
• Partied until I wished I wasn't Asian and actually had a liver (recommend)
• Met some fantastic people that I hope to stay in touch with (recommend)
• Gotten really really sick (read: explosive diarrhea) (NOT recommended)
• Had _________ (recommend highly)
• Learning how to stitch someone's foot up (FUN!)
• Thought to be a hooker at a club and had an old man try to pick me up (don't recommend)
• Get hit on by anything with testosterone and a penis (don't recommend)
• 80's & 90's Party (highly recommend)
• Making pasta when totally intoxicated (don't recommend, you burn your tongue)

The list is probably longer but that's all I can think of for now. 

Keep All Hands and Feet Inside The Moving Vehicle... Or the Country

I just finished an almost 2 week training to prep me for my upcoming move. I can tell you a few things about this trip:

• I'm ending it with a major head cold. It's awesome. Not.
• When there's a bomb, there's often a secondary bomb. Tertiary bomb. And so on. I guess bad people like that sort of thing. Blowing up people and buildings and such.
• WMDs. Bad. Bad. Bad. Enough said.
• If you're ever taken as a hostage... there are several options. Kind of like Mad Libs. Fill in your own blanks.
• If you ever notice someone/people following you, don't confront them and ask them why they are following you.
• I made some awesome friends. Winning!
• That random West African country I'm going to? Lots of scary things are said about that place.

In conclusion, I'm way more pumped about leaving than I was 2 weeks ago. Which seems to be counterintuitive but when have I ever been logical? FOUR DAYS LEFT!

The Magical Fate Fairy

Fate. Some sort of magical power or being managed to send me a roommate that manages to keep me sane and isn’t annoying as all h*ll. We actually make a pretty solid pair and have essentially become an old married couple. We have our routines and roles. Here are some examples of why and how we fit together perfectly:

• Every morning of a work day, I shower first, then she showers. Without fail. No matter who wakes up first.
• When we were staying in the house in Mubende, we always sat on the same side of the table. Every day. Without fail. Then we were there for the 3 meetings, we were in the house for a while with our program manager’s husband. When we sat down at the table, you guessed it. We sat in our designated spots.
• Her favorite Starburst colors are red and pink while mine are yellow and orange, which means we swap the fun-sized candy packages of Starburst for our favorite colors and never have to fight over colors.
• Her favorite Skittles colors are purple and red while mine are green and yellow. WE ARE PERFECT FOR EACH OTHER.
• When we cook, I mostly man the stove and she usually washes the dishes at the end. 
• We both like to read and have similar tastes in books.
• We enjoy movie watching and have pretty similar taste in movies (Step Up, Pearl Harbor, Romeo + Juliet, Love Actually, Stepmom- to name a few) and TV shows (Glee, Gilmore Girls, The Office). And we don’t judge each other for the girly, silly movies.
• We both think Channing Tatum and Josh Hartnett- HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOT

 

We exist together 24/7. I have no idea how I’m going to survive without her once I move back to the US. It’ll be like I lost a limb… a piece of my soul… and yes she’s going to read this one day and think I’m even crazier than she thought I was.

 

There has been this random wooden penis sitting on the bookshelf in the office for as long as I can remember. I used to look at it and never really thought about what it was or think anything of it. Then I was looking at the family planning books sitting by this thing and finally realized what it was. Family planning- condoms- fake penis to use in demonstrations… ohhhhh I see now. Yes it’s taken me like 5 months to realize what was sitting on the shelf.

 

I feel old. Back when I was growing up, ALL those years ago, us girls went ga-ga over boy bands. We had 98 degrees, NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, O-Town, LFO, BBMAK, Westlife, right? Now girls are psycho over Justin Bieber (who I think looks like a girl), the Jonas Brothers… there are probably more but I’m totally out of the loop. Why am I thinking about this? Oh they’re just blaring a Westlife remix in town.

This weekend was pretty slow. We didn't have power during the day but then it'd come on at night. So at least we could watch some TV shows and movies in the evening. I've been reading like a crazy person, usually finishing off a book a day. But at the rate I'm going, I'm going to run out of books to read in a week.

Less than a month before I get back!

I dream about pizza...

I have cravings like no other. 40 days left in Uganda and all I can think about is what I want when I get back. Don't get me wrong. I love it here. I will miss the chapati and rolexes to an extremely unnatural extent but when I'm in the US, I can have sex and good food. Which right now is all I want...

A sexy tidbit: I haven't shaved my legs in like a month. I also haven't really worn makeup since I got here. Can't wait to get back to the US and feel feminine again...

I am pretty depressed that I am missing fall. It's my second favorite season. My favorite being winter since I love snow. All I want right now is an apple. A fresh, crispy, delicious apple... want want want.

On a more serious note, I've been thinking... isn't it amazing how certain decisions in your life change its direction forever? There are several moments in my life that I marvel at. If I had taken the other option, who knows where I'd be now or who I'd be. I often play the what if game and marvel at how my life has simply fallen together. A series of random decisions, occasional mishaps, and or the game of chance...

All you need to do is feed the need

Mmmm and my need was chips, egg, and Nile Special beer. Ladies and gentlemen, I am enjoying my first buzz since I went to Rwanda and it is delightful. And when paired with an omlette and some chips, I am rather satisfied. Well... obviously not in every way, but hey, I'll take what I can get.

Pop music and a good buzz are also a good combination. Why does Jason Derulo always say his name at the beginning of his songs? I mean, yes it's nice to know who's singing the song but really, it's rather egotistical. Now if you were Usher, I'd forgive you. But you're not that big yet, so calm yourself.

Oh and my feet are rather burnt from running around after kids all Saturday. That's the only part of my body that is a deep, dark brown. I wonder if it's really a tan or my body is now integrating the reddish brown dirt of Uganda into my skin so that I can carry it with me for the rest of my life... Either way, my feet have weird tan lines and are a dark brown color.

46 days left in Uganda... this half of me is depressed. The other half says WOOOOOOOOOOT!!!

A bit of ADD for today's post

I've been here over 3 months now. And I love it here. I look back and yes, it was really, really hard to adjust to being alone all the time and just living in a new place. But I am so happy I came back.

The other intern and I spend essentially 24/7 together, especially we're in Sembabule. We share a room, we work together, we eat together. The only time we really don't see each other is when we're showering or in the pit latrine. I wonder is she's sick of me yet... I'm not sick of her!! Having a fellow American to talk to is so nice. I never realized that before this experience but it is so true.

Food... yes I talk about this a lot but I miss food. Savory, delicious food... I just ate some instant oatmeal and a few crackers for breakfast. Very unsatisfying. I love food... I love being able to go to a grocery store or to a restaurant with a giant menu...

I think I'm just getting weirder the longer I stay here. I find the littlest things amusing: bugs, goats, chickens, throwing my leftover ramen into the garden as compost... Just a warning to those of you I will be seeing in December, I'm going to need a bit of help readjusting. Maybe reverse culture shock session.

My next goal for traveling is to go somewhere in South America. I think that's a pretty good goal for 2011, don't you think? There will also be at least 1 visit to DC during my spring semester, a San Francisco visit in the summer (family reunion)...

Relationship Questions?

So being a bit bored, I decide to read about “questions couples should ask each other.” There’s really no reason for this except I have nothing better to do and I am always open to new conversation starters, whether or not it’s with a significant other. I’m reading… pretty standard stuff: what’s your favorite color, what’s the worst book you’ve ever read, if your life was to be a movie then what actor would play you… etc. I come across one that has me literally LOL in the office. It says: if I don’t say so, how do you know I want to make love? Uhhhhh really? Am I REALLY supposed to ask this of my significant other when we’ve been in a serious relationship. “Hey honey, when I don’t demand for sex, how do you know I want it?” Is this something you really have to ask your bf/gf?


Here’s another one: How did you learn what it meant to be a man/woman?... HUH???? As opposed to knowing what it meant to be a gorilla or a dog? Or would it be: how did you learn that a woman’s place doesn’t necessarily have to be in a kitchen with an apron, cooking her husband dinner with 3 kids running around the 2 story house with a white picket fence and a pet dog?... just saying…

Never Have I Ever

Never have I ever gone to a strip club. Why I'm thinking about this in the middle of Uganda? I have no idea. But I haven't. I'd like to... since I've been told, I'd be a good stripper... I think I should check out venues for employment if I'm ever short of change.

Never have I ever screamed so loudly as I did last night when a giant cockroach fell from the window sill. Yea, the loud screaming you could hear all the way from the Midwest, that was me. I'm just sitting, minding my own business, watching an episode of Glee. The plop, scratch, scratch. COCKROACH. After much screaming, I once again employed the use of my spatula to fling it out my door... Hate bugs.

Never did I ever realize that November birthdays essentially mean Valentine's Day conception babies until this morning. Don't ask why I was thinking about this either. But I'm just saying, I did think about that... I wonder if November has an unusually high birth rate as compared to the other months...

These were the 3 interesting things I can report from my weekend. I stayed in Sembabule... no power for a day... nothing really to do... I did manage to finish a really long book, read The Economist (which I bought at Nakumatt) and watch way too many TV shows for my own good.

Whoever reads this, can I just say... I'm hungry... hungry for real food... ramen and chapati just aren't working for me these days...

Lake Bunyonyi

And in typical form, I will provide some commentary for my Lake Bunyonyi Weekend Vacation.

Overnight bus ride:
The bus we were supposed to get on left without us because people gave us poor instructions. We finally managed to get on a bus. Once we sat down, a man started selling something to the entire bus. At first we thought it was medicine, and since he was speaking Luganda, we had no idea. Then the words "for your girlfriend, for your boyfriend" were thrown in and we were able to figure out that he was selling lub. On a bus ride that would last 8 hours. Then the people in front of me bought some. Nothing happened... that I know of. Also the guy sitting across from us on the bus was rather creepy. Staring at my friend and I the entire bus ride. He kept smiling. Since it was dark, the only thing you could see was his white smile. Very strange and a little disconcerting. And finally, I had to pee at one point when our bus was stopped in the middle of nowhere. No bathrooms around, no rest stops available. Instead, I walked into an alleyway and peed. For a while I thought someone would come up behind me in the dark, screaming. Didn't happen though. Still... another disconcerting event.

Daytime on the Island:
We ended up laying out in the sun all Saturday and soaking up the warmth. Problem was that I didn't drink very much water. So by the time we went up for dinner, I wasn't feeling too hot. I thought I needed to throw up, so I walked to the bathroom. I passed my friend and realized I was about to pass out. Woops. Got very woozy, shaky, and had to sit down. Not a great move on my part. Oh and I have the strangest sunburn ever. Which just shows how poorly I put on sunscreen. The entire weekend was also spent cracking "that's what she said" jokes, discussing sex, and drinking. It was definitely a summer vacation with 20-somethings.

All in all though, Lake Bunyonyi was amazing. Well worth the 8 hour trip out there and back.

One of my favorite lines ever...

I was told tonight: You'd be a great hooker.

Excellent... I now have a back-up plan/profession/hope for the future.

You are allowed to laugh at my expense

I would just like to share that instead of putting aloe on my chest which is a tad burnt from Saturday, I slathered on Purell this morning. I'm just that awesome.

Inappropriateness

Since I cannot express every incredibly insane thought of mine on the other blog, I figured I'd update this one on any and all things random and inappropriate. All for your reading pleasure.

If God loved women, He would have made it easier for us to go to the bathroom. I mean, seriously. Why do guys have it so easy? Every night when I walk into the pit latrine, I think about this. At night, all the bugs are attracted to the light bulbs in the latrines (when there is power), so going to the bathroom is an episode of listening to bugs buzz incessantly around your head. It'd be so much easier to pee standing up and be done with it. Nope, instead I have to worry about things crawling out of the hole and up my leg; if a mosquito is going to bite me in an inappropriate place... you get what I mean. I KNOW I said I was going to stop blogging about bathrooms, but really, it's just such a fun experience out here that I can't not talk about it.

To go months without sex... I'm just going to say, it's very depressing.

So I'm out in a remote area. I never wear pants while I'm out here. I'm always in a skirt and can I just say, when it's hot, the chaffing that goes on is out of this world. I never have this issue in the USA but here, it seems to happen every once in a while. Grr. But when I'm alone in my room, I strip down to shorts and a sports bra, throw on my iPod (with broken headphones, by the way), and jump around. It's my one way of relieving stress and frustration without having to choke, stab, punch, or murder someone. It's also a way of working out.

The traditional food here is matoke, plantains boiled and then mushed together. Usually it's coupled with beans or a meat. I eat it every day for lunch. Honestly, when I get back to the US, I'm not eating bananas again for at least 6 months. It gets a little... old? But my Africa diet rocks. I'm pretty sure I can lose the weight I gained in Boston (which I did cuz I didn't work out and ate like crap).

Every night, I hide in my mosquito net like a freakshow because I hate mosquitoes and they annoy me. I sometimes wake up in the middle of the night, paranoid there is a mosquito in my net, eating me alive. I know, I'm nuts. It's the mefloquine.
And why oh why was that military guy married?!?!?!?!?! Girls, if I could have taken a picture of him to show you, I would have. Fantaaaaaastic bod, great tattoos... anyway...

My little sister is adorable. I love her. This is the song she wrote for me and sent me in an email, with directions and everything:
WHEN THERE IS A DASH BETWEEN A WORD THEN U SPELL IT OUT!! XAMPLE: c-a-t

I HAVE A J,
A ..........J-E-,
I HAVE A J-E-S-S-I-C-A,
THAT LIVES IN MY F-A-M-I-L-Y
AND I AM VERY S-A-D
THAT SHE IS IN...U-G-A-N-D-A
FOR THE S-U-M-M-E-R!! :(
JESSICA IS IN UGANDA FOR THE SUMMER!!
(IM STILL VERY SAD)
:(

Jessica vs. Bob the Frog (Details)

When I say I did a little screaming/shrieking/talking to Bob, it went something more like this (with a touch of whining):

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY ROOM? Ok… I really would prefer not to crush your guts all over the carpet. So get the F*** out! NONONONO don’t go over there! Where did you go, Bob? WHERE THE F*** DID YOU GO?! Oh crap I lost him. Now what do I do? Ughhh I hate nature! Maybe I should keep him… he probably eats bugs. But what if he jumps onto my bed net in the middle of the night?! Or worse, what if I mess up the net and he jumps on ME? Ew. Ok, BOB, GET OUT! Move move move! Why won’t you move? I don’t want to touch you. AHHHH don’t jump on me! GET THE F*** out! Ugh where’s a stork when you need it to eat frogs. OUT OUT OUT. GET OUT! Ew I’m getting frog-ness all over my spatula. Gross. AHHH GET OUT. DON’T JUMP IN MY PURSE! Ew. Out Out Out. Oh phew… you’re out the door. BYE!”

In other words, if there had been someone standing outside my room or if the guard understood more English, it would have been fairly embarrassing. If it had been a spider or a large bug, at least I would have crushed it. But it was cute Bob… so what else could I do but scream and shoo?

An update on the bathroom situation: I’m getting much better at using pit latrines. By the time I leave, I’ll be a pro.

Ugandan Issues

(Written July 22) Uganda is amazing, and I love it here. My only current issues are: bathroom use and the fact that matoke can only be eaten day after day a certain number of times.


To tackle the first issue, I’m slightly terrified to use the pit latrine for the reason that I’m petrified that I’ll miss the hole. Given, the hole is rather large and it’s not like I’m blind so I can spot myself. BUT still. And here’s the other thing, after you’ve gotten used to the porcelain throne, squatting to do your business is rather difficult. That is the one thing Americans don’t do, but the Ugandans do all the time: squat. Squat to peel plantains, squat to go to the bathroom, squat to bathe, children squat all the time. For me, after squatting for a while, my feet feel achy, my calves start to tingle, it’s not exactly the most comfortable position. But now that it’s Day 2 in Ssembabule, I’m getting a little more accustomed to it. One of my greatest fears in the world: falling into a pit latrine. You know, Slumdog Millionaire style, except that kid jumped. Just the idea gives me the heebeejeebies.

As for issue two, it is what the Ugandans call “green bananas.” As for the bananas we’re used to snacking on, those are called sweet bananas. Green bananas aren’t sweet and they are, obviously, green in color. In other words, they are plantains. One of the staples of the Ugandan diet is boiled/steamed and mushed bananas. Matoke. It really has no flavor and is always paired with meat, vegetables and/or g-nut sauce. To make it, you peel a bunch of green bananas, stick it in a pot, throw in some water, and boil. Tada. Eventually the bananas get soft, turn yellow, and get mushed together. It’s rather dense, so I can only ever eat so much. It’s pretty good. I just don’t exactly love it as a meal everyday.

Children look at me and either smile and wave OR they just stare. The young ones especially stare. Yesterday, I’m pretty sure this little girl was about to cry. The ladies around me were laughing, telling me she has never seen anyone so pale. Since I’m in such a remote area (the words of Ugandans, not me), I am one of not very many foreigners. I hear there’s one Peace Corps volunteer that works here, but I haven’t seen her yet. I haven’t seen any mzungus for 2 days now.

Well, off I go to start a day of work (this was written on my computer early in the morning but posted later). Next time you go to the bathroom, be thankful that your toilet flushes.

Entebbe, more adventures

In order to meet my friends this morning (1 UW student, a Dutch guy, and some others), I had to meet them at the university... how to get there? Ohhhhhhh maybe a boda boda? Today's thought process went something like this:

Dear God, I'm going to do this again. Ok. Slow down. AHHHHHHHHHHHH! Ooooof! Bump! POT HOLE! SLOW DOWN!!! OMG we're going 60 km/hr!!! Dude, if I fly off this bike, it's going to hurt. I wonder what it would look like to have my body smashed all over the road. Maybe if I fall off now, it won't hurt as much. Ow my arm hurts from hanging onto the back of this bike so hard. OMGOMGOMGOMGOMG! CAN'T. WATCH. There is a bee flying around your head, driver. And I can't let go to do anything about it. Please don't sting me. Thank you, we're here.

Boda adventure numero 2: successful.

I am so freaking clean from that pool swim. Soaked all the red dirt out from my skin. AND there was a warm shower with good water pressure to rinse off in afterward. Fantastic! Best $5 I've spent in UG so far. Note to self: do this if you ever need a good shower.

K'la adventures, the other version

In addendum to my other blog's post, I thought I would provide some Jess commentary:

First, I almost burned myself on the boda's exhaust pipe. I felt the heat and jumped really quick. Oops! My thoughts while on the boda went something like this:
AHHHHH!! I'MGOINGTODIE! OMGOMGOMGOMG! OMGSLOWDOWN! We are wayyy to close to that car. Oh crap, you started again too fast. I almost flew off the back. OMG. TRUUUUUUUUUUCK!!! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!!! WAHHHHHHHHHHHHH!! YIKESSS!! OOOF! OUCH! AHHHHHHHHHHHHH! OMG WE'RE GOING TO DIE!! Please drive on the right side of the road (aka the left side)!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!! OH THANK GOD I'M HERE.

And I survived. YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!

My bowel movements are so normal, it's awesome! Sooo unlike last time.

MOSQUITOS SUCK! My 2 bites are so itchy!!!!!!!! I would cut my toe off right now if it would stop itching.

Mmm Mefloquine

So I'm takin mefloquine as malaria prophalyaxis. It's supposed to make you have very vivid dreams. Well my dream last night involved me running this ultimate race in Africa, carrying a watermelon, and herding llamas. How bizarre is that?! I thought it was pretty funny and strange to wake up to.

So it's Friday. I've been in Africa a week. And it's all about bombs now. Rumor has it that they found another bomb that didn't go off yesterday in the new taxi park. Yikes! So we shall see what develops with all the bombs.

I will Always be a Midwest Girl at heart

Favorites:

TV Show: Glee. It's amazing.
Song: Need You Now- Lady Antebellum
Food: Watermelon
Thing to Buy: Shoes. Two pairs of heels since I've been home. I have a problem, but I'm okay with it.

Here's a story, friends, about when a guy pursues a girl... it went something like this:
His thoughts: "She's so cute. She's so nice. I want to ask her out. I just got her number. This means she's interested. What should I do? I know I walked her home... so do I lean in for a kiss? Crap, I'm so drunk. I can't think that clearly... Should I give her a good-bye hug? What should I do? Sh*t sh*t sh*t and NOW..."
ACTUAL ACTION: Gives her a High Five and leaves to go home... only to be so drunk he wakes up to find himself passed out on the hardwood floor and his wallet in the fridge.

Dear friend this actually happened to,
This is one of my favorite drunken, guy-pursuing-girl stories ever. Don't worry, I still like you.

I had the honor of seeing a wonderful friend this afternoon. I love her! Anyway, we were in VS. This is where I lost my sunglasses (SOB). But also where one of my favorite memories from the summer happened. It went something like this...
I'm trying on bras. My friend is trying on swimsuits. (PS she has uhhh-mazing abs.) We're talking about what bra I should get. I'm wearing one, we had been talking about my chest and boobs in general... then she proceeds to ask me about how it feels. Unsure of what she's talking about, I respond with: they feel fine, I never get back pain, Why? She goes: um... I was talking about the bra. And we proceed to LOL in the dressing room. It was way funnier had you been there with us... me shirtless, her just staring at me like I'm insane (which sometimes I might be). It kind of brought me back to the memories of us living together... when being shirtless was commonplace. The only thing we were missing today was S. I miss both of them so much; maybe someday we'll live together again! 

I love the Midwest. 

• Driving in a car in the suburbs
• I did get pulled over by a cop last night for being a complete idiot. Good thing I didn't get a ticket!
• My silly cat
• She's so cute! And rather demanding. I may also be slightly allergic... doesn't matter. I will pet her and love her anyway.
• Sleeping in a bunk bed 
• Or as my dad calls it: a bunker bed. The same bed I've been sleeping in for years... or for most of my life.
• Hanging out at the kitchen table in my pajamas
• I do it often when I'm home now. Including right now.
• Suburban malls
• I love them! Such a different feeling here... I have spent way too much money.
• Suburban Target
• I don't think this needs further details... self-explanatory 
• Wisconsin
• I love the Home of Beer and Cheese. Though I strongly dislike cheese. It's so strange and doesn't taste very good to me.  
• I swung by my high school today. Remodeled... it's just not the same. Those blue and yellow panels you used to have? Now that they're gone, I feel betrayed.
• Badgerland...
• LOVE!

 Home Saweeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeet Home.

My pending return

I will be in the Midwest tomorrow at this time. Hopefully happily blogging from my parents' dining room table and playing with Dumb-Dumb. Here's the thing. I have to pack. And packing is hard. Very hard. I have things everywhere. And I have no idea what I'm doing. What do I need? What should I bring? I always bring too much of what I don't need and not enough of what I need.

Readers of blog who are living in Wisconsin, I want to see you. Please and Thank You.

I will be headed to DC for Memorial Day Weekend. Yes, I am flying to Wisconsin just to turn around and drive 12 hours to DC. Because why? Because my family has a weird love of road-tripping. So for a full 24hrs, I will be jamming out to my iPod as my little sisters watch awesome kid movies and I will ponder how much my butt feels like it's flattening out. BUT I will be back June 1st. So I will want to see as many people as I can. Also because at this rate, I don't know whether or not I'll be around in July. Yes, I'm still debating UG vs PH...

So here I am, packing with pop music.

Hurling was the Theme

Yesterday at work someone choked at lunch. They were saved and it was okay. But watching that entire process... not appetizing. Lots of bile.

I was eating breakfast this morning and felt the sudden need to vomit. It was bad. I almost vomited all over a work computer. Woops! Good thing I didn't. I held it in. Ran for the bathroom and then didn't puke. No, I do not have any of the problems that are flashing through your mind right now. It is seriously impossible, unless it's immaculate conception. It's not.

Every time someone talks to me about Tongue-Down-Throat, I feel my stomach scream in protest. If I ever see him again, I may try to puke all over him to make him avoid me.

Having the words Asian Housewife and Cute in one sentence equals one reaction from me- the need to vomit. Sorry, that is not exactly my dream role. I would not like to rub your feet, vacuum your house, birth your children, and cook you dinner tomorrow. Look at my feet, they are not bound. No I will not wear a kimono for you- wrong, COMPLETELY wrong. No, I would not like to give up all my dreams and goals to make your life bliss. Sorry. I never want to be just an Asian housewife.