A Mantra for Moving

I have realized that I have accumulated so much stuff the past four years... it's insane. I don't know how I will get everything I want out to the East Coast. All the stuff sitting in my parents' garage right now has led me to think about big of a consumer society we live in. No matter how I try, I always seem to end up with more possessions. Now that I am starting my nomadic lifestyle, consisting of not knowing how long I will stay in one location (although it may be dictated by my apartment leases, but even then...), I really want to minimize all my "stuff." But at the same time, there are things I'm unwilling to just give up easily. For example: the picture I bought at Art Fair On The Square this year, the picture I took of the Nile Rive at sunrise last summer that is nicely framed, 2 ceramic bowls that I love. So do you let go of possessions you love and do these possessions REALLY matter? The answer, of course, is yes, you can let go of those possessions and they really don't matter in the end. It's just hard. But my new goal IS to rid myself of my habits of hoarding everything, keeping everything, and wanting everything. Less is better. I really need to start living by that statement if I want to prevent myself from going broke due to shipping all my stuff everywhere.

So... new mantra: LESS IS BETTER.

Leaving... not on a jet plane...

It is finally hitting me that I am leaving Madison officially with no idea if I'll ever be back. Tomorrow is my very last day. This is really hard to deal with. I love this place, this city, this school, the streets, even the construction, the bars, the people... all the memories that have been created here. I am really going to miss it. A lot. Nostalgia has set in. It's also very difficult saying good-bye to all the friends that I have made here. The people here are why I love Madison the most. I have met some of the most wonderful friends here, and I will miss them constantly.

Highlights:

Freshman Year

• Drinking for the first time
• Running across campus drunk
• Knowing I had new friends who would take care of me, no matter what mess I got myself into (There were a lot of them)
• Meeting the girls, the boys, the people who would touch my life for the next 4 years
• Going to my first Badger football and hockey game

Sophomore Year

• Having an awesome roommate with our weekend hangover mornings on the futon, watching One Tree Hill... promising never to drink again. Only to repeat the same thing the following weekend
• Hosting a few crazy parties
• Watching friends get themselves in trouble
• My awesome light-up heels
• The car accident

Junior Year

• First official apartment: complete with accidentally breaking a window with a newspaper when trying to kill a bee, squirrels in the walls and floorboards, fun roommates, no TV
• Making Thanksgiving dinner for friends
• Beer pong
• Being the most hungover I had ever been in my entire life
• Turning 21
• Figuring myself and what I wanted to do next in life

Senior Year

• My Own Room
• Going out with a bang, bloopers and all
• Finding out way more about close friends than I ever wanted to know
• Learning even more about myself than I ever though possible and finding that inner confidence that is necessary to stand on my own 2 feet
• Enjoying my last year in Madison
• GRADUATION

Madison, it has been amazing. I thank you for everything I have learned and experienced here. I have more stories than I ever thought necessary thus far in my life, but I enjoy every one of them. I will miss it all!!!

Truth

My thought of the day:

I find life full of surprises, good and bad, but never clean. It always comes dirty. Twists and turns everywhere. Everything becomes convoluted. Then in the end, what is the truth? Can you believe everything someone tells you, anything he or she tells you? Do they even know the truth of what they're trying to tell you? As well as you may think you know yourself, I don't believe that everything you say is truth... completely valid. Maybe you think it's true at the time, but it might not end up being true in the end.

Realizing the truth has been a theme in my life. The things people try to hide from each other, the lies that are told, the subjects people avoid discussing or try to cover up... It all ends up hurting someone. If there is one thing in life that is always true, it is that someone will always get hurt. There is just no way to avoid that. Thus the pain, the hurt- it is a universal theme that should connect everyone in the world. We should be able to share this commonality... but we don't. The hurt usually just alienates us more. Pulls us away from friendships, relationships, the ability to trust, the ability to live without feeling disillusioned.

A Chapter In My Life Is Coming To An End

Sometimes I can’t help but marvel. After 4 years of college, I am still working a job that could be done by a robot. I am essentially an office worker bee. Can I just say it’s frustrating and boring me to tears? I’m pretty sure I have more brain cells, brain power, and overall intelligence to do something more than type information into a database, sort and send out mail, and do mundane tasks that my boss doesn’t feel like doing on her own. I have to keep telling myself: 3 more weeks until it’s over. BUT it is some good experience- letters of rec, you know? And it’s true; I have 3 more weeks until I move out of my apartment. I’m going to move to my parents’ home for a little less than a week and then I’m leaving the Midwest!! The knowledge that I’m moving away from the only state I’ve ever considered home has been slowly sinking in, but I don’t think it has fully hit me yet. Maybe once I’m actually moved into my new apartment (which I’m paying a horrifying amount of money for), it’ll hit me. And knowing myself, it’ll probably hit me on the head with the same feeling as if a sledgehammer landed on me. Then I’ll probably finally figure it out that I’m officially moving on to a new chapter of my life, one I will title: Grad School.

In life, most of us have the standard chapters: Elementary School, Middle School, High School, and College. After college though, everyone’s chapters start to differ. Actually people’s chapters usually start to change after high school, but for generalization purposes, I’ll say college (of any sort). After graduating college, some people go on to join the workforce, others take a year off from school before returning again (working, running around the world, or just relaxing for a while), while still others jump right into more school. I would fit into the last category. I can’t say I’m completely happy with this decision, but it is a means to an end. I would love to take some time off, travel and learn different things that aren’t always taught within the confined 4 walls of a classroom. But I’m still not stepping outside the boundaries set by… oh let’s say, my parents… quite yet. They seem to have this idea that right after college, I should go to grad school in order to keep the momentum going. After a long of thinking about it, I decided not to fight them. It wasn’t worth it. (If there’s one thing I’ve learned about my family and how to deal with them, I know when it’s smarter and easier to just not start the fight.) Plus, I knew what I wanted to go to grad school for and they would be willing to help me out a little financially. Thus I will be attending grad school in the fall. The one decision I made for myself was to leave the comfort zone of the familiar Midwest. I decided to spread my wings a little and try living somewhere completely new for a while. Maybe I’ll love it, maybe I’ll hate it, but at least I’ll be able to look back and say I tried it.

We’ll have to see what I have to say after a month of classes- maybe I will be freaking out and will look back on this post and say, “Psh, biggest mistake ever.” Or I could possible say, “I love it here! Best decision ever.” Guess I’ll have to wait and see.

A funeral and a sunburn

I went to my roommate's dad's funeral last weekend, and it was really sad. My roommate went up and read something her and her siblings wrote at the service. She read it beautifully, and I was proud of her. I don't think I would have been able to do as well as she did. The funeral made me think about life and death again. I know we all need to value every single day and the people we have in our life. My thoughts are still with my roommate and her family.

Currently I am burnt... burnt burnt burnt, but it was well worth it. I spent four hours (prime sun time 10am-2pm) yesterday at a huge art fair without any sunscreen. Ouch... but I found some of the coolest stuff. I bought a photograph of these old books, which will go above my desk at my new apartment (once it's framed). I also got a sterling silver ring and a pair of earrings. Finally, my final purchase was a deep blue-green colored bowl. It's gorgeous. I'm so happy with everything I bought. The downsides to all this is my colorful burn and my poor bank account. So I am now icing my very burnt chest and shoulders.

No Doubt Concert!

I went to Summerfest for the first time EVER yesterday and it was great. 2 of my friends and I saw the No Doubt Concert, and it was awesome. I have to say, the money spent on those concert tickets were well worth it. We had decent seats and No Doubt was great.

Bedouin Soundclash played first. I had never heard of them before but I liked them. Very appropriate opener. Then Paramore came on (The top picture). Now they were fun! Lots of head banging- I liked how the guitarists head banged in sync. Hayley Williams has a great voice. Finally No Doubt came out. They were great live entertainment. You know, there are the bands and musicians who have great music but don't always put on a great show. No, this was not one of those cases. It was AWESOME!!! Adrian Young, the drummer, played wearing only his underwear. I wonder if that helps him stay cool on stage. Gwen Stefani was amazing. She has a great body, even after have 2 kids! All in all, I thoroughly enjoyed myself. I'd definitely see them in concert again.

Life is Precious

Today my heart pauses. And it goes out to my roommate. Her dad is dying in the hospital, and it was completely unexpected. He'll probably be gone tomorrow morning. My eyes ache with tears that haven't fallen yet. I try to put myself in my roommate's shoes and imagine that it is my dad in the hospital. But I have no idea how I would feel, what I would be thinking, what I would do, if I would want people around me, if I would just want to scream or be mute forever. I cannot imagine the pain. I have never had anyone in my family die, so I feel helpless, unable to relate completely, providing as much empathy as I can from miles away. I wish I had the right words to say and to comfort her. I want to read her mind, so that I can do exactly what she needs without her asking.

Everything that has happened makes me reflect. Life is so short, so valuable, so precious. It can end in a split second, disappearing forever, and I don't think I always appreciate it to the fullest. I think I need to say "I love you" to my family more and make my actions count more. Life has so much meaning,but do we always live it to its fullest potential? I don't think so. We take it for granted a lot, but today was a reminder not to. To love more. To do more. To live completely. Who knows what will happen tomorrow to anyone? This is a good reminder for me to really be thankful for everyone and everything in my life.

Initiation into the blogging

I have finally made the blog I have been planning (procrastinating) for months. I have to admit, it was a lot harder than I thought it would be. Maybe I need to learn to speak computerish… computerian… computerese… the language of the computers, whatever that’s called. But I think I like this background and the overall blog. My habit of indecisiveness will probably make me change it again at some point. But this is it for now. So I guess all I have to say at the moment is: Hello Blog World!