Positive thinking

I am trying to calm myself down and take one day at a time. And today has been my "Jess" day, a day to figure things out. I have made up a list of goals I have for myself and hopefully I’ll achieve them all this academic year.

GOALS
1) Do well in school- this is a given, but it must be placed at the top of my list
2) Work at a job (or 2)- this is also a given but must be mentioned
3) Languages!!!- Yes, this goal is high reaching and completely crazy, but I think I can do it. Practice Chinese- I have found when speaking to my parents that I am adequate at best in the language that is supposed to be my heritage. So now it is my goal to improve my vocabulary and maybe actually learn to read it better. Learn/practice Arabic- I took a year of it and it was hard! I better not lose it now, though sometimes I already think I have. I need to brush up on it and learn more. Brush up that rusty old Spanish- I took it in high school, but I still remember some things. I want to improve it so I have it as a supplementary language. Learn French- I’ve always wanted to.
4) Join a club- Getting involved in school is important to me and I think it’s a great way to meet people. It’s just hard to make time for it, so I am going to try this year.
5) Go abroad (this summer or next fall)- pretty self-explanatory
6) STAY POSITIVE- I have a bad habit of being an utter pessimist and freaking out about… well everything. I want to try to be better at staying positive and calm without needing to pick up a phone and calling home.
7) WORK HARD- My 3 Ws… I want to focus on them. They are my primary goals and I need to concentrate on them. If you don’t know what they are… we haven’t talked enough.

The language goal seems a little intense, I know. But I think it’s doable. I mean, I need to concentrate on one thing at a time… and maybe the French will need to be put off for a while, due to the idea of learning something completely new makes my head spin a little. But Chinese, Arabic, and Spanish?? I truly hope they’ll be attainable. I think I can, I think I can J

I know everything will fall into place with time. I’m just not very patient and need to learn to be. I also need to learn how to sleep more, but that’s beside the point. I think I’ve rambled on enough… I really wish I could turn my brain off, but oh well…


Permanent Mantra: It’s not a hardship; it’s an adventure

Impossible headache

I have sent out email after email with cover letters and resumes. I have made phone calls and stared at craigslist until my eyes glaze over. I don't know what I'm going to do. I cannot NOT have a job. Money is tight, and I really can't survive here without finding some source of income. I really wish money grew on trees sometimes... or I found a sugar daddy who just wanted to give me money and I wouldn't have to do "favors" for him. I'm praying for patience as I keep searching. Maybe something amazing will finally hit me... I hope.

Mantra: Breathe, have patience, don't panic

A Mantra for Moving

I have realized that I have accumulated so much stuff the past four years... it's insane. I don't know how I will get everything I want out to the East Coast. All the stuff sitting in my parents' garage right now has led me to think about big of a consumer society we live in. No matter how I try, I always seem to end up with more possessions. Now that I am starting my nomadic lifestyle, consisting of not knowing how long I will stay in one location (although it may be dictated by my apartment leases, but even then...), I really want to minimize all my "stuff." But at the same time, there are things I'm unwilling to just give up easily. For example: the picture I bought at Art Fair On The Square this year, the picture I took of the Nile Rive at sunrise last summer that is nicely framed, 2 ceramic bowls that I love. So do you let go of possessions you love and do these possessions REALLY matter? The answer, of course, is yes, you can let go of those possessions and they really don't matter in the end. It's just hard. But my new goal IS to rid myself of my habits of hoarding everything, keeping everything, and wanting everything. Less is better. I really need to start living by that statement if I want to prevent myself from going broke due to shipping all my stuff everywhere.

So... new mantra: LESS IS BETTER.