I dream about pizza...

I have cravings like no other. 40 days left in Uganda and all I can think about is what I want when I get back. Don't get me wrong. I love it here. I will miss the chapati and rolexes to an extremely unnatural extent but when I'm in the US, I can have sex and good food. Which right now is all I want...

A sexy tidbit: I haven't shaved my legs in like a month. I also haven't really worn makeup since I got here. Can't wait to get back to the US and feel feminine again...

I am pretty depressed that I am missing fall. It's my second favorite season. My favorite being winter since I love snow. All I want right now is an apple. A fresh, crispy, delicious apple... want want want.

On a more serious note, I've been thinking... isn't it amazing how certain decisions in your life change its direction forever? There are several moments in my life that I marvel at. If I had taken the other option, who knows where I'd be now or who I'd be. I often play the what if game and marvel at how my life has simply fallen together. A series of random decisions, occasional mishaps, and or the game of chance...

Almost 2 months in Uganda, A Recap

I've been here almost 2 months and I thought it might be time for some reflection so here goes:

First time trying sugar cane
First time seeing and accidentally killing a praying mantis
Trips to Kampala: 3
Times I've gotten lost in Kampala: 2
Times I wish I was somewhere else: let's not keep count

Don't get me wrong, I love Uganda. The people here are incredible, and it's so interesting to learn about someone else's culture and way of life. There are a few things I dislike about this place, including: packing 5 people in the back of a compact car to drive 2 hours, the roads, the traffic, and on occassion, the lack of greasy American food.

I love rain and rain in Uganda is awesome. Last night it poured and I just sat outside my room, in the rain, and enjoyed feeling it on my face, drenching me. It's incredibly refreshing. So HELLO RAINY SEASON!

LEAAAVING ON A JET PLANE

TOMORROW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am freaking out a bit. Lots and lots of packing. Lots and lots of junk to put into very small spaces. It's kinda like that last minute panic of "OMG I'm naked" or "OMG I overslept and missed that exam" or "OMG WHO ARE YOU?!?!" I feel like I'm forgetting something. I know I am. I've also been sucked into the vortex of home while I've been back in Wisconsin, aka being a homebody and hanging out with my family. I've barely seen anyone while I've been in the Midwest. But have no fear. I will return... when there is snow on the ground.

And yes, I will try to keep this updated along with the other "official" one. As always, side commentary and inappropriateness will be reserved for my fun side.

Here's a side note, genuine thoughts I've had all day and yes, you are allowed to make a joke on whichever ones you choose:
No condoms necessary to be packed.
My bag is as big as I am... pictures will be forthcoming.
Why am I doing this again? I kind of like hot showers.
WOOHOO Africa!
Where did I put ________?!?!?!?!?!?!?! Followed up with a: @#)($**&a$mp;^)(*@#!
That doesn't fit... oh shoot...
This thing is WICKED heavy.
Why are things so hard!
How is that going to fit in there?
MOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!! (or in Midwest speak: MAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHM!)
What if my flight was today?!
Am I really leaving tomorrow?

I will miss you all! Hot water, clean water, the porcelain god, a/c, clean hair... AND all the people I'm leaving back in the USA.

CHEERS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! See you on the other side of the Atlantic! (We'll see if I get an entry in while in Amsterdam)

Decision-making is not my forte right now

I was soooooooooooooooo sure my decision was made. Well, at least 95%. The decision was the Philippines. That's where I would go. And finish my degree. Do school and intern.

Now? Not so sure. I got my proposed scope of work for Uganda (because I hadn't totally told them I wasn't doing that program) and the SOW is fantastic. Exactly what I want experience in. Ughh... what do I do? I cannot seem to make a choice and stick with it. This wishy-washy-ness is becoming a serious problem. I don't like it. So PICK SOMETHING and stick with it!! Or at least that's what i keep telling myself. So I lay here, feeling like a complete crazy person. Perfect.

Uganda vs Philippines...
Work experience vs finishing school/internship...
A place I've been and love vs somewhere brand new...
No running water or electricity vs most of the time, big city living in a developing country...
No money vs no money... oh wait, that's the same thing...

Freedom and Some Favs

Freedom, it's a thing I thoroughly enjoy. I'm currently sitting all by my lonesome in a pretty empty apartment. Roommate is gone, moved out and off to Africa for 5 weeks. I'm jamming out to M.I.A. and cleaning my apartment. How I accumulated so many dirty dishes? Not quite sure.

The thing about freedom (from parents, from relationships... from school) is there is an element of unknown. You can feel free to make any decisions. Good, bad, ugly. You have to live with those decisions but the fun part is finding out what happens as a result of them.

I finished a book called Cutting for Stone. It was awesome. Definitely being put in the Favorite category. ALSO The Book Thief was FANTASTIC. I loved it. It has many stars in the Fav category. Now that I am totally slacking off, not doing school, and just working, I have time to read some things for fun. It's nice.

Usher's OMG... catchy song. Very bar friendly. We went to this bar the other night and one of their special drinks was called Skip and Go Naked. I wonder what it's like... I didn't get it but it sounded fascinating.

Another week begins...

Brain Vom (dialed down for your sake)

How do you make a decision? Just pick it? Throw a dart at a wall? How do you know it's the right one? Pro/Con lists suck. They don't help.

What is your destiny? Do you create it? Or is it just something that will happen? Life is like a choose your own adventure book. Except you can't cheat by reading all the different endings.

Being Zen

There's something to be said about accepting the way things are. Being happy with it. And just relaxing. Letting things flow and taking the zen attitude. So this is me: being zen

Quality Time on My Knees and in My Head

I've spent an interestingly long time on my knees lately. No, don't think dirty. At WORK I kneel and put things away. Restocking and such. I've noticed how much time I spend on my knees and how much that hurts! But it's easier than constantly bending over. The thought was that I wish I had knee pads when I work. Now as for doing other things on my knees... well, I can do that without knee pads.

Spring Break has come and gone. I spent a little time at home and got to enjoy a meal a great friend who I've missed a lot. Also I got to sleep in. Best thing ever. I spent quality time with my mom, which ended up being great fun. We ate a lot of Chinese food and watched movies. I am fully embracing the Chinese food and Chinese pop music side of my Chinese-ness. Not sure about any other side yet. Pretty much ate myself into a delightful Chinese food coma... best feeling EVER. Better than an American food coma. I'm serious. WAY better. Try it some time. But try it with authentic Chinese food and then you will see what I mean.

I can't believe it's March. Time has definitely flown by. The semester is almost OVER. Unbelievable. Two of my favorite people are returning to the USA in April- we're almost there! Can't wait to see them. I'm still searching for my way abroad for 6 months. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So I've been doing some thinking. It's fascinating how much has changed since I've moved out here. I was so miserable those first few months. I think it takes a few months to adjust to a new place when you don't know a single soul. And I have definitely learned the art of self-soothing. Amazing how you don't really have to do that when you have really great friends around you. But I definitely realized how I need to do that without having someone a few minutes away to talk to, hug, or to cry on their shoulder. I am much better these days. Happy is a good state of mind.

Now if it could just stop RAINING in Boston, I'd be happier!

A lazy Sunday which really shouldn't be that lazy

Current Fav Study Jams:
Kid Cudi's "Pursuit of Happiness" and "Make Her Say"
Wang Lee Hom's "Hua Tian Cuo" and "Wei Yi"
Miike Snow's "Animal," "Black and Blue," and "In Search Of"

Okay, here's the thing, I was supposed to study all weekend and get as much Health Law and Medical Systems information into my head as possible. That hasn't happened. Instead... I am applying to go to Malawi for a year, made a new friend, and found some great new jams. I am in serious trouble. But I am not that worried. I've come to the conclusion that I'm just not going to care about grades as much this semester. It is what it is. I need to enjoy life along with school and if that means not getting straight A's... I think I'll live.

Extreme dislike: people who can't understand that girls and boys can just be friends without any desire for anything more. Just because you're of the opposite sex, it doesn't mean you guys are going to go at it like rabbits automatically. Friendship- there is such a thing between girls and guys.

PS Texts from last night- great reading for procrastination. And makes you laugh uncontrollably.

Just a late night thought

Good friends are hard to come by and amazing when you find them. Hard to keep, but if you can, they are worth it. Worth more than all the therapy in the world can buy. I love the ones I have and cherish them more than they'll ever know.

xoxo

Feeling like P Diddy...

Favorite upbeat song right now: Tik Tok by Kesha. Pretty sure I'm going to try to wake up to that song every morning to see if I do wake up feeling like P Diddy after hearing her sing it. I find it weird how some songs have the most absurd lyrics but are still so freakishly catchy.

Today is my last full day in Wisconsin, I fly back to that place over to the East tomorrow afternoon. (sniff) And then I start school... I'm not looking forward to it at all. I will probably die slowly and have an aneurysm by the time this semester is over. If I'm still alive in early May, I am going on a solid vacation where I can just sleep and relax.

There's so much snow. It's like living in a crazy winter wonderland where I'm scared to death to drive because let's think about it. I drive like 3 weeks a year, when I'm in Wisconsin. Other than that, I walk and take public transportation (which I have a love-hate relationship with). So the driving in snow/bad roads thing gives me nightmares.

Speaking of dreams/nightmares, I dreamed I was flying to Germany last night and I forgot my carry-on on the flight from Milwaukee to Chicago. I totally freaked out and woke up thinking I was going to forget something when I fly back to school. I wonder what that dream means... sometimes I think dreams don't mean anything. Then other times, they are a blatant indication of things I'm thinking about. I need a dream-teller... dream-explainer... you know, someone to tell me what my dreams mean. I wonder if it's kind of like fortune telling...

So my little sisters go to their friends' birthday parties and I marvel at what gets given as gifts these days. Gift cards to clothing stores... really? For my birthday, back when I was young, I had all these cool things that I wanted. I received some pretty spiffy stuff and went to some birthday parties where other people received superbly cool stuff. Parties back in the day were so much better than they are now... maybe that's because I hail from the 90's.
FOR EXAMPLE:

• Bop-it: Probably one of my favs... I wonder what that would be like to play with drunk now... probably awesome. Maybe I'll have to hunt one down to give it a whirl.
• Furbies: My music teacher in grade school had a furby that he would sit on the top of his piano during class. What a weird invention... I never had one. Back in the day, I wish I did... not so much any more.
• Beanie Babies: Okay, these toys were supposed to be worth "soooo much money." They were bean bags that had heads and tails sewed onto them. What a weird thing to have people obsess about.
  
• Pokemon vs Digimon: still haven't figured out the difference, nor do I really care.
• Fairy Winkles: Does anyone remember what these things are? I had 3 fairy winkles... or did I have the Wee Winkles... who knows. They were so cute! A little strange, but a fun toy.
  
• Polly Pocket: My absolute favorite toy as a kid. Now if you think about it, it's definitely a chocking hazard. But I loved them. I had so many... and I'm pretty sure my parents still have them all stored somewhere. A.M.A.Z.I.N.G. toy. I swear by that toy

Well now that I have word vomited all over this post, I'm going to go to lunch with my mom.

A New Year

There is no better way to start off a new year than to do it by applying life lessons to your own life, cleaning out the old crap that you've accumulated over the last decade... And jamming out to the most ridiculous songs you can find in your iTunes library.

For example:
"Boom Boom Boom" by the Vengaboys
"Mickey" by B*Witched
"Blue" by Eiffel 65
"The Humpty Dance" by Digital Underground
"99 Luftballoons" by... no idea
"Ooh Ahh... Just a Little Bit" by Gina G
And a crazy combination of Backstreet Boys, NSYNC, and good ol' Britney

So I may be going a little bananas spending all my time cooped up at home, surrounded by the wonderful snow. But it's actually pretty fun and relaxing. I've started reading The End of Poverty but it's so dense that I have a habit of dozing off ever other paragraph. New Years Resolutions, anyone?

Here are mine:
1) Leave the country
2) Do something spontaneous and unexpected
3) Workout on a regular basis rather than my typical 2 months on, 3 months off cycle
4) Try as many new things as possible, whatever they may be
5) Say no less often

It's a start to a new decade, why not do something fun and crazy with my life this time around?!

Popcorn Thoughts

I've had such depressing posts recently; I decided it's time for some positivity. Here are some bouncy thoughts from me.

TV Shows:

• Roommate and I have been on a total Gossip Girl kick. Crazy, I know. I never knew I'd enjoy drama about the Upper Eastsiders... but it's kind of fun when I have no social life.
• One Tree Hill!!! Last season came out on DVD and I borrowed it from the library. WONDERFUL
• Grey's Anatomy... NEW SEASON starting September 24th. WOOHOO- previews looked awesome

Books:

• I've been reading Africa Doesn't Matter- great book about Africa and why aid isn't helping
• For class, I have to read The Wisdom of Whores- I love it so far
• I really want to read a book called My Prison, My Home- look it up, sounds fascinating and the author sounds amazing

I really want to go shopping but I can't afford it. Ahh the life of a poor grad student. It's even worse than the life of an undergrad. That's probably because I didn't worry about money all the time.

I MISS My Wisconsin Buddies!!!

Truth

My thought of the day:

I find life full of surprises, good and bad, but never clean. It always comes dirty. Twists and turns everywhere. Everything becomes convoluted. Then in the end, what is the truth? Can you believe everything someone tells you, anything he or she tells you? Do they even know the truth of what they're trying to tell you? As well as you may think you know yourself, I don't believe that everything you say is truth... completely valid. Maybe you think it's true at the time, but it might not end up being true in the end.

Realizing the truth has been a theme in my life. The things people try to hide from each other, the lies that are told, the subjects people avoid discussing or try to cover up... It all ends up hurting someone. If there is one thing in life that is always true, it is that someone will always get hurt. There is just no way to avoid that. Thus the pain, the hurt- it is a universal theme that should connect everyone in the world. We should be able to share this commonality... but we don't. The hurt usually just alienates us more. Pulls us away from friendships, relationships, the ability to trust, the ability to live without feeling disillusioned.