I'm back from Boston. Surgery went well! I was all different levels of stressed, but it's done and everything can start going back to normal.
On Wednesday, we met his parents at the hospital. Now surgery is stressful enough, but adding divorced parents into the mix makes me a bit more stressed. I spent the whole time talking my face off, while internally, freaking out. I'm filling the empty silence with any story I can think of, as I completely panic internally. Probably one of the longest days of my life. Akin to the night I spent in the hospital sophomore year when I wasn't allowed to move an inch. I spent the week getting minimal sleep. Especially in the beginning. I was the one who would wake him up and throw drugs down his throat every 4 hours. Boyfriend's recovering. Yay. God help me if something else like this happens again. My heart and body can't handle it.
Now I'm back in Wisconsin and am in desperate need of sleep. So I'm going back to bed. Cheers!
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Showing posts with label sleep. Show all posts
Thursday, August 25, 2011
Friday, September 3, 2010
There's sun today, so SMILE!!!
It’s so easy to make a laundry list of complaints about Uganda, but in efforts to feng shui my soul and to find zen, I’m looking at the brighter sides of things (at least I am today).
My hair is growing (thank goodness). Remind me the next time I jet off to a country where running water may not be readily available, NOT to cut my hair, no matter how much easier I think it will be to manage. Remind me of depression and sorrow and the inability hairs like a dog that could be used to sew a new shirt with. I shaved my legs with deep concentration for the first time in a month. Last time I tried to shave, I did it in the dark and let’s just say I did a horrible job. This time, I actually had light and opened a new razor. I’ve been thinking about waxing. I tried getting my eyebrows waxed once. My facial skin was NOT having that one. I’ll never be doing that again. I am a big fan of the Brazilian, but I’ve never tried to get my armpits waxed. Thoughts? I think this would hurt more than the Brazilian!
Mefloquine. I wouldn’t give this drug up even if you tried to convince me to. I love the dreams, I hate the dreams. It’s like a grab bag of really bizarre and really messed up. There was the rape dream (I guess this would be a nightmare), the running a race carrying a watermelon dream, the friend hates me dream (still have no idea why K was screaming at me in my dream), the OMG there’s a giant spider crawling on me dream (didn’t wake up too happy with that one), and the ex dreams (those usually range from pretty normal to extremely messed up).
I’m pretty sure I have some crazy tropical disease or some bug keeps biting me because I keep getting these itchy bumps in random spots. Not mosquito bites, but just weird bumps that itch. I’m just waiting for the day one of these bumps gets itched open and a maggot crawls out (yes this is in reference to the maggot from 2 years ago that was dug out of someone’s shoulder). Either that or I’m getting some mutant form of the chicken pox.
My hair is growing (thank goodness). Remind me the next time I jet off to a country where running water may not be readily available, NOT to cut my hair, no matter how much easier I think it will be to manage. Remind me of depression and sorrow and the inability hairs like a dog that could be used to sew a new shirt with. I shaved my legs with deep concentration for the first time in a month. Last time I tried to shave, I did it in the dark and let’s just say I did a horrible job. This time, I actually had light and opened a new razor. I’ve been thinking about waxing. I tried getting my eyebrows waxed once. My facial skin was NOT having that one. I’ll never be doing that again. I am a big fan of the Brazilian, but I’ve never tried to get my armpits waxed. Thoughts? I think this would hurt more than the Brazilian!
Mefloquine. I wouldn’t give this drug up even if you tried to convince me to. I love the dreams, I hate the dreams. It’s like a grab bag of really bizarre and really messed up. There was the rape dream (I guess this would be a nightmare), the running a race carrying a watermelon dream, the friend hates me dream (still have no idea why K was screaming at me in my dream), the OMG there’s a giant spider crawling on me dream (didn’t wake up too happy with that one), and the ex dreams (those usually range from pretty normal to extremely messed up).
I’m pretty sure I have some crazy tropical disease or some bug keeps biting me because I keep getting these itchy bumps in random spots. Not mosquito bites, but just weird bumps that itch. I’m just waiting for the day one of these bumps gets itched open and a maggot crawls out (yes this is in reference to the maggot from 2 years ago that was dug out of someone’s shoulder). Either that or I’m getting some mutant form of the chicken pox.
Friday, April 16, 2010
Insomnia, Insomnia
I haven't been able to fall asleep the last few nights and it's starting to bother me a lot. I'm tired during the day, can't sleep at night. All these thoughts fluttering across my brain and ideas across my eyelids when I close my eyes. It's ridiculous! I took a Tylenol PM yesterday, but I don't have any today and I figured I shouldn't start depending on drugs to fall asleep. But here I am. With my thoughts. Laying in bed. In the early AM.
Going abroad:
Applied to go to the Philippines.
In talks about working in an orphanage in Zimbabwe.
China is always an option.
Haven't heard back from Malawi.
Emailed someone about Uganda.
There's even an application to Tajikistan in there somewhere.
Pretty sure I've applied to more things that I should have.
BUT I still don't have a place to go yet.
Work:
I think about work a lot when I'm not there. Why? Cuz I can't leave things when I'm done at the end of my shift.
School:
Learning. Homework. I read a lot.
Panda-ness:
This is what I am calling it from now on, the Asian phase I'm in. Panda-ness. I am a insomniac panda right now. Sometimes I am a study panda. One time I wanted to be a stealth panda. Usually when I'm in the library, I'm a sad panda. Most days, I'm a busy panda. One of these days (hopefully this weekend), I'll be a lazy panda. See? Panda-ness. Complete with Chinese Pop music my mom brought back from China for me. LoOoOoOoVe.
Random Career Change?
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Become a Psychologist. Sounds very interesting. To understand or TRY to understand how the mind works. Fascinating. But then I would have to listen to people talk all day. Sometimes I'd be okay with that. Other days, I'd probably want to strangle my patients or send them to a mental hospital, so maybe this is a good sign. A sign that I wasn't supposed to go be a shrink.
Running:
I am trying. Aka once. No, wait. Twice. It's hard. My butt hurts. My feet are messed up. My kneecap hates me (popped it out in high school). I DID get new shoes. They are comfy and blue. I like blue running shoes. They inspire me. Other colors, not so much. Why? Because if I have to do something painful, like run. I better be able to do it with something on my feet that is pretty to look at when it sits in the corner of my room. You think I'm crazy? I don't care. It's my logic. Deal with it. I like pretty colored things.
Another Career:
Sometimes when I work at the store, I think it might have been fun to be a business major. Run a business. Etc etc etc. Maybe not though. What if you fail? Go bankrupt? Yea, that would be rough.
Vampires:
Twilight- dislike. Sorry whoever loves it, I don't. True Blood- wants to watch it. Vampire Diaries- like. Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale- like. Buffy- Like. I am Legend- um scary. Ok so I think it boils down to me not liking Twilight. I'm sorry. I just don't find the movies as fascinatingly amazing as everyone else. As for my relationship with CW TV shows, you should know how I feel about One Tree Hill, so I'm sorry. But yes, I like Vampire Diaries. It's amusing and the boys are cute. Sue me.
As the hour drags close to... oh 2AM as I finish this word, I guess I should try closing my eyes again. Maybe I'll dream about blue-skinned vampires who are psychologists who are shrinking my head in a candy store in Tajikistan. Now that would be fun.
Going abroad:
Applied to go to the Philippines.
In talks about working in an orphanage in Zimbabwe.
China is always an option.
Haven't heard back from Malawi.
Emailed someone about Uganda.
There's even an application to Tajikistan in there somewhere.
Pretty sure I've applied to more things that I should have.
BUT I still don't have a place to go yet.
Work:
I think about work a lot when I'm not there. Why? Cuz I can't leave things when I'm done at the end of my shift.
School:
Learning. Homework. I read a lot.
Panda-ness:
This is what I am calling it from now on, the Asian phase I'm in. Panda-ness. I am a insomniac panda right now. Sometimes I am a study panda. One time I wanted to be a stealth panda. Usually when I'm in the library, I'm a sad panda. Most days, I'm a busy panda. One of these days (hopefully this weekend), I'll be a lazy panda. See? Panda-ness. Complete with Chinese Pop music my mom brought back from China for me. LoOoOoOoVe.
Random Career Change?
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Become a Psychologist. Sounds very interesting. To understand or TRY to understand how the mind works. Fascinating. But then I would have to listen to people talk all day. Sometimes I'd be okay with that. Other days, I'd probably want to strangle my patients or send them to a mental hospital, so maybe this is a good sign. A sign that I wasn't supposed to go be a shrink.
Running:
I am trying. Aka once. No, wait. Twice. It's hard. My butt hurts. My feet are messed up. My kneecap hates me (popped it out in high school). I DID get new shoes. They are comfy and blue. I like blue running shoes. They inspire me. Other colors, not so much. Why? Because if I have to do something painful, like run. I better be able to do it with something on my feet that is pretty to look at when it sits in the corner of my room. You think I'm crazy? I don't care. It's my logic. Deal with it. I like pretty colored things.
Another Career:
Sometimes when I work at the store, I think it might have been fun to be a business major. Run a business. Etc etc etc. Maybe not though. What if you fail? Go bankrupt? Yea, that would be rough.
Vampires:
Twilight- dislike. Sorry whoever loves it, I don't. True Blood- wants to watch it. Vampire Diaries- like. Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale- like. Buffy- Like. I am Legend- um scary. Ok so I think it boils down to me not liking Twilight. I'm sorry. I just don't find the movies as fascinatingly amazing as everyone else. As for my relationship with CW TV shows, you should know how I feel about One Tree Hill, so I'm sorry. But yes, I like Vampire Diaries. It's amusing and the boys are cute. Sue me.
As the hour drags close to... oh 2AM as I finish this word, I guess I should try closing my eyes again. Maybe I'll dream about blue-skinned vampires who are psychologists who are shrinking my head in a candy store in Tajikistan. Now that would be fun.
Sunday, March 7, 2010
Normal People Sleep
And yet, I am not normal. I mean, it is obviously a state I aspire to achieve. Normalness. But I have yet to reach that point in life. So here I am. Rocking the 4am, I need to leave soon for my flight back to that state where I used to live in. A few days back home. A few days... not enough, yet quite enough.
Today, people were walking around the mall like crazy people. I mean... I have an unusually judgmental mind that has many thoughts... judging people. I just never say them out loud. For the most part. Today, people were walking around the mall like they were insane. At first, I figured the first person was just... you know... a little unique. But after I saw person after person doing weird things... I knew it was not just me seeing special people. One person walked around by bringing her knees as high as they would go. One lady walked around like she was doing the freaking wedding march. There was a skip hop thing going on with a few people. There were people walking sooo strangely. One step, kick foot out, next step, kick foot out again. I really thought it was just me, judging people. I don't think it was. I also don't think it was just people who could not control what they were doing. They were seriously just being weird as... well just weird.
I physically cannot drink 3 nights in a row. Can't happen. I can barely drink 1 night. So tonight would have been night number 3. Nope, couldn't do it. My liver, body, mind, fingers, feet, and soul recoiled at the thought of sipping anything less than a Diet Coke straight up. So I didn't. But can I say... men are strange creatures. They are not much different no matter where you venture. Midwest, East Coast, West Coast... a mad fascination with body parts and nothing else. Seriously people, we, women, have brains. We have personalities. We have feelings. We are not just objects you can collect, put on your mantle, and play with once in a while. Get your mind out of the gutter (though mine is there often) and FOCUS. Up here. Not down there. OR over there. FOCUS.
Midterms are over. And as you can see with my 4am writing, I am not back to normal. I am beyond fixable at this point. Late night owl, daytime sloth, evening semi-functional human. I hope I passed... it would suck to have to do this semester over again. But yet it is slightly likely I might have to. Ew... I suck.
Jay Chou at 4am in the morning, not great. Weird French songs (including French rap) where I can't understand any of the words, on the other hand, fascinatingly poignant.
I wonder if I'll ever be on a real sleep cycle again. Ugh I don't want to be on an air-o-plane in 6 hours-ish. Flying... you know, we have a love-hate relationship. Well my French song is done so I guess I will attempt at laying in my bed again. Wish me luck. And if you're part of the Sconnie Nation and you read this, you now know I'll be home til Wednesday. Send me a "hi" or something! The likelihood that I'll see the outside world? Well, that's questionable and if you know me, you'd know that.
xoxo
Today, people were walking around the mall like crazy people. I mean... I have an unusually judgmental mind that has many thoughts... judging people. I just never say them out loud. For the most part. Today, people were walking around the mall like they were insane. At first, I figured the first person was just... you know... a little unique. But after I saw person after person doing weird things... I knew it was not just me seeing special people. One person walked around by bringing her knees as high as they would go. One lady walked around like she was doing the freaking wedding march. There was a skip hop thing going on with a few people. There were people walking sooo strangely. One step, kick foot out, next step, kick foot out again. I really thought it was just me, judging people. I don't think it was. I also don't think it was just people who could not control what they were doing. They were seriously just being weird as... well just weird.
I physically cannot drink 3 nights in a row. Can't happen. I can barely drink 1 night. So tonight would have been night number 3. Nope, couldn't do it. My liver, body, mind, fingers, feet, and soul recoiled at the thought of sipping anything less than a Diet Coke straight up. So I didn't. But can I say... men are strange creatures. They are not much different no matter where you venture. Midwest, East Coast, West Coast... a mad fascination with body parts and nothing else. Seriously people, we, women, have brains. We have personalities. We have feelings. We are not just objects you can collect, put on your mantle, and play with once in a while. Get your mind out of the gutter (though mine is there often) and FOCUS. Up here. Not down there. OR over there. FOCUS.
Midterms are over. And as you can see with my 4am writing, I am not back to normal. I am beyond fixable at this point. Late night owl, daytime sloth, evening semi-functional human. I hope I passed... it would suck to have to do this semester over again. But yet it is slightly likely I might have to. Ew... I suck.
Jay Chou at 4am in the morning, not great. Weird French songs (including French rap) where I can't understand any of the words, on the other hand, fascinatingly poignant.
I wonder if I'll ever be on a real sleep cycle again. Ugh I don't want to be on an air-o-plane in 6 hours-ish. Flying... you know, we have a love-hate relationship. Well my French song is done so I guess I will attempt at laying in my bed again. Wish me luck. And if you're part of the Sconnie Nation and you read this, you now know I'll be home til Wednesday. Send me a "hi" or something! The likelihood that I'll see the outside world? Well, that's questionable and if you know me, you'd know that.
xoxo
Friday, February 5, 2010
That's no good.
Thought 1 for the early morning:
I can't cook. It's true. This means I will never make a good wife. Ever. Also means I'm not a good catch. See this would be okay if I wanted to be a nun and live my days out devoted to God. Not that cool when I can't woo someone with my cooking skills.
Thought 2:
Why can't I sleep? Oh who knows. I have a problem...
Thought 3:
Will we go to war with China? Interesting... that'd be no good. Plus I'd prefer not to be put into an internment camp like back in WWII... I'm just saying. I don't like the idea.
Thought 4:
I like being Asian these days. I'm trying to embrace it. Note: trying. Practicing my Chinese, looking for ways to cook (even though I can't), etc
Thought 5:
What does dating look like? I have no idea anymore.
I can't cook. It's true. This means I will never make a good wife. Ever. Also means I'm not a good catch. See this would be okay if I wanted to be a nun and live my days out devoted to God. Not that cool when I can't woo someone with my cooking skills.
Thought 2:
Why can't I sleep? Oh who knows. I have a problem...
Thought 3:
Will we go to war with China? Interesting... that'd be no good. Plus I'd prefer not to be put into an internment camp like back in WWII... I'm just saying. I don't like the idea.
Thought 4:
I like being Asian these days. I'm trying to embrace it. Note: trying. Practicing my Chinese, looking for ways to cook (even though I can't), etc
Thought 5:
What does dating look like? I have no idea anymore.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
All-nighter
There is nothing like sitting up at 3:30am and writing a disaster of a paper on a humanitarian disaster. I'm so screwed for finishing this paper... I have about 5.5 hours left before I need to turn it in and right now I just need a mental break to type things not pertaining to my paper. Thus the blogging. I haven't pulled this late of a night in a few years. It's pretty mind-blowing. I'm not actually that tired- more worried about the grade I'm going to get on this paper. Tomorrow I will worry about sleep. I probably won't be able to function properly. Oh wait, by tomorrow, I mean today. When the sun comes up.
At one point in time, I had all these witty things to say on the blog. Thoughts I wanted to share. And as of right now, my mind is mud. NO idea what I was planning on writing. At least my sentences are mostly real sentences... nouns, verbs, etc. I haven't completely failed out of the English language quite yet. Soon though. Probably in another 12 hours, I will turn into a comatose thing. Yes a thing... there should be a better word to put after "comatose" but I can't think of one right now. My iTunes has cycled through some of the most random songs... for example: Avril is singing right now. Haven't heard her in a while.
One thought... oh wait, I lost it. Never mind. Brain officially fried. Mmmmkay... I guess I should go back to writing. See? This semester is keeeeeeelllllllling me. Maybe if I hadn't worked all weekend, I would have been able to find time to write this freaking paper.
What tastes good at 3:30 in the morning?
At one point in time, I had all these witty things to say on the blog. Thoughts I wanted to share. And as of right now, my mind is mud. NO idea what I was planning on writing. At least my sentences are mostly real sentences... nouns, verbs, etc. I haven't completely failed out of the English language quite yet. Soon though. Probably in another 12 hours, I will turn into a comatose thing. Yes a thing... there should be a better word to put after "comatose" but I can't think of one right now. My iTunes has cycled through some of the most random songs... for example: Avril is singing right now. Haven't heard her in a while.
One thought... oh wait, I lost it. Never mind. Brain officially fried. Mmmmkay... I guess I should go back to writing. See? This semester is keeeeeeelllllllling me. Maybe if I hadn't worked all weekend, I would have been able to find time to write this freaking paper.
What tastes good at 3:30 in the morning?
Thursday, December 10, 2009
Dreams...
Are dreams our subconsciousness talking to us while we sleep? Or are dreams just crazy nonsense? I sure wish I could figure this out. Sometimes I have crazy dreams that I never want to have come true. I have dreams that are nightmares that make me want to die. Then there are the dreams that I wish would come true and I want to stay in the dream forever. I wish I had a dream genie who could make certain dreams come true. No, I don't want the dream about me running down my elementary school hallway naked to come true. And no, I don't want the dream of me getting sucked into the rapids of the Nile, drowning to death, to come true either. But some dreams would be nice. Like the time I win $100 million dollars and don't know what to do with all the money. Or... well you know... if you know me well enough, I bet you know what dreams I really want to come true. Especially now...
Finals are steadily approaching. I am almost done with my 1st semester of grad school. Hallelujah! Huzzah! Hooray! Let's just hope I pass. Because with the glasses of wine and rum/cokes I've been having at night... let's just say I haven't been very productive. But sometimes they're so nice and comforting after a long ass day of work and class and work and class AND work.
PS I am l.o.v.i.n.g. my Diet Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. Totally worth it. Makes my day worth waking up for. And walking home for. Now if I could get some vodka to add to it, my life would be x2 better.
PPS I prefer Firefox to Internet Explorer.
PPPS I don't know how to go to bed early. NO matter how tired I am. It's weird.
Finals are steadily approaching. I am almost done with my 1st semester of grad school. Hallelujah! Huzzah! Hooray! Let's just hope I pass. Because with the glasses of wine and rum/cokes I've been having at night... let's just say I haven't been very productive. But sometimes they're so nice and comforting after a long ass day of work and class and work and class AND work.
PS I am l.o.v.i.n.g. my Diet Sierra Mist Cranberry Splash. Totally worth it. Makes my day worth waking up for. And walking home for. Now if I could get some vodka to add to it, my life would be x2 better.
PPS I prefer Firefox to Internet Explorer.
PPPS I don't know how to go to bed early. NO matter how tired I am. It's weird.
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