It's almost August

Facebook has unfortunately been blocked on my work computer so work life just got a little more boring. And Pandora. And YouTube. And all those other fun sites. Maybe it's time to think about investing in a smartphone...

A lot of my friends in Abuja have either left already or on their way out. And I'm about ready to join them. It's been an awesome year. I have done some things I never thought I would have done in Abuja this year:

• Walked home at almost 5AM in the morning (don't recommend)
• Jumping in the pool with friends at 3AM (I do recommend this but only if you have a change of clothes or a towel) 
• Partied until I wished I wasn't Asian and actually had a liver (recommend)
• Met some fantastic people that I hope to stay in touch with (recommend)
• Gotten really really sick (read: explosive diarrhea) (NOT recommended)
• Had _________ (recommend highly)
• Learning how to stitch someone's foot up (FUN!)
• Thought to be a hooker at a club and had an old man try to pick me up (don't recommend)
• Get hit on by anything with testosterone and a penis (don't recommend)
• 80's & 90's Party (highly recommend)
• Making pasta when totally intoxicated (don't recommend, you burn your tongue)

The list is probably longer but that's all I can think of for now. 

Do the stressed, pouty dance

So... it's another late night here in Boston. I manage to procrastinate just enough on the right things that lead me to stress, panic, and start chewing on my own hair. Last spring, I pulled an all-nighter. This spring, I do late nights, not enough sleep... on a rather regular basis. Healthy? I think not. But now let me do my stressed, pouty dance. (Why it's pouty? Who knows. I just feel like pouting, sulking, what have you. Let's just chalk up the pouting to: I'm tired and shouldn't have procrastinated so long.) Btw my boyfriend is sweet and delivered pretzels, Diet Coke, and Chex Mix to me as I freaked, whined, and pouted. I wonder why he puts up with my insanity, cuz it must be like dating a 4 year old sometimes.

I'm taking this biostatistic computer programming class. Learn biostats while you learn how to speak computer-speak. OMG. The best thing ever. NOT. I am the Asian that is incompetent when it comes to technology. I missed the boat on that gene... Thanks parents.

Oh right, I sprained my ankle last Monday. Now you might ask: how'd you do that? Well, you see, it's a funny story:

• I'm walking home (I made a quick trip home to see my mom- sorry I didn't see any of my Midwest lovers, but I spent my time with the fam) from the airport, pulling my luggage behind me. I'm thinking: I'm hungry, I need to work out this week, I'm REALLY going to start working out regularly. Then BAM. I'm on the ground. Rolled the ankle. I'm in so much pain I can't catch my breath. I sit down on the concrete sidewalk. Whimper. Cry. No one's around to see me. I can see my apartment building door like 20 feet away. Then a guy in a wheelchair rolls up. "Are you okay? Do you need me to get help?" I manage a I'm okay, I'm okay. He goes: I would help you myself... but I can't. I don't know about you but now looking back, I giggle a little. The one person who sees me is the one person who can't physically help me. Anyway, eventually he rolls away and I grit my teeth and hobble to my apartment. I then proceed to 1) call my mom and cry, 2) sit on the floor until my boyfriend arrives to help me, 3) stare at my other leg which is bleeding excessively from the knee. So yes, I'm the most graceful creature out there.
• And if you're concerned about me (which you probably aren't but that's okay, I understand): I'm doing better these days but I still have a bit of a hobble.

I have discovered the wonders of Sephora. It's fun. It's like a playground. I can't afford anything but looking and touching is still wonderful. It's drawing me in. It has put its spell on me. Too bad I'm still disabled and don't know how to put makeup on like all the pretty girls do.

Jobs. I need to find a job after graduation. Sigh. What if I can't find one and become a homeless person? Will you let me live with you?

Baby shoes are the cutest things ever. Teeny! But also the most impractical things. Actually baby socks are probably the most impractical. Shoes are next. Because: a baby is in the stroller. Kicks off sock or shoe. Has now lost one! There is no longer a pair. All that money you just spent on a pair of shoes. Gone. Just a thought.

I have nothing more to say at the moment since it is closing in on 3:30am and I desperately need sleep in order to make words become coherent sentences tomorrow in class. So I will close with this: I want to go back to Uganda because the weather here in New England is just not not not NOT okay.

Hurling was the Theme

Yesterday at work someone choked at lunch. They were saved and it was okay. But watching that entire process... not appetizing. Lots of bile.

I was eating breakfast this morning and felt the sudden need to vomit. It was bad. I almost vomited all over a work computer. Woops! Good thing I didn't. I held it in. Ran for the bathroom and then didn't puke. No, I do not have any of the problems that are flashing through your mind right now. It is seriously impossible, unless it's immaculate conception. It's not.

Every time someone talks to me about Tongue-Down-Throat, I feel my stomach scream in protest. If I ever see him again, I may try to puke all over him to make him avoid me.

Having the words Asian Housewife and Cute in one sentence equals one reaction from me- the need to vomit. Sorry, that is not exactly my dream role. I would not like to rub your feet, vacuum your house, birth your children, and cook you dinner tomorrow. Look at my feet, they are not bound. No I will not wear a kimono for you- wrong, COMPLETELY wrong. No, I would not like to give up all my dreams and goals to make your life bliss. Sorry. I never want to be just an Asian housewife.

Insomnia, Insomnia

I haven't been able to fall asleep the last few nights and it's starting to bother me a lot. I'm tired during the day, can't sleep at night. All these thoughts fluttering across my brain and ideas across my eyelids when I close my eyes. It's ridiculous! I took a Tylenol PM yesterday, but I don't have any today and I figured I shouldn't start depending on drugs to fall asleep. But here I am. With my thoughts. Laying in bed. In the early AM.

Going abroad:
Applied to go to the Philippines.
In talks about working in an orphanage in Zimbabwe.
China is always an option.
Haven't heard back from Malawi.
Emailed someone about Uganda.
There's even an application to Tajikistan in there somewhere.
Pretty sure I've applied to more things that I should have.
BUT I still don't have a place to go yet.

Work:
I think about work a lot when I'm not there. Why? Cuz I can't leave things when I'm done at the end of my shift.

School:
Learning. Homework. I read a lot.

Panda-ness:
This is what I am calling it from now on, the Asian phase I'm in. Panda-ness. I am a insomniac panda right now. Sometimes I am a study panda. One time I wanted to be a stealth panda. Usually when I'm in the library, I'm a sad panda. Most days, I'm a busy panda. One of these days (hopefully this weekend), I'll be a lazy panda. See? Panda-ness. Complete with Chinese Pop music my mom brought back from China for me. LoOoOoOoVe.

Random Career Change?
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Become a Psychologist. Sounds very interesting. To understand or TRY to understand how the mind works. Fascinating. But then I would have to listen to people talk all day. Sometimes I'd be okay with that. Other days, I'd probably want to strangle my patients or send them to a mental hospital, so maybe this is a good sign. A sign that I wasn't supposed to go be a shrink.

Running:
I am trying. Aka once. No, wait. Twice. It's hard. My butt hurts. My feet are messed up. My kneecap hates me (popped it out in high school). I DID get new shoes. They are comfy and blue. I like blue running shoes. They inspire me. Other colors, not so much. Why? Because if I have to do something painful, like run. I better be able to do it with something on my feet that is pretty to look at when it sits in the corner of my room. You think I'm crazy? I don't care. It's my logic. Deal with it. I like pretty colored things.

Another Career:
Sometimes when I work at the store, I think it might have been fun to be a business major. Run a business. Etc etc etc. Maybe not though. What if you fail? Go bankrupt? Yea, that would be rough.

Vampires:
Twilight- dislike. Sorry whoever loves it, I don't. True Blood- wants to watch it. Vampire Diaries- like. Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale- like. Buffy- Like. I am Legend- um scary. Ok so I think it boils down to me not liking Twilight. I'm sorry. I just don't find the movies as fascinatingly amazing as everyone else. As for my relationship with CW TV shows, you should know how I feel about One Tree Hill, so I'm sorry. But yes, I like Vampire Diaries. It's amusing and the boys are cute. Sue me.

As the hour drags close to... oh 2AM as I finish this word, I guess I should try closing my eyes again. Maybe I'll dream about blue-skinned vampires who are psychologists who are shrinking my head in a candy store in Tajikistan. Now that would be fun.

Drums, a Guy & a Pair of Shoes

I haven't had anything good to write about in a while, but I do now.

Yesterday I saw an Asian drum show. The one main drummer dude... amazing. He was intensely ripped. Like whoa. He was Asian so I say this in the most platonic, observant way possible. At the end, the guys wore loin clothes and drummed. His a$$ was great. His entire body... whoa... I haven't seen someone that built in real life in a while. Aside from that, the show itself was sweet. Phenomenal. Fantastic. Any more words to describe it? Oh: powerful, intense, passionate, and super meditative. It was WOW! Loved!

Then I went to a club with my Asians. Just a few that I'm better friends with. And I clubbed... well let's just say I was there, had been sick with the stomach flu all week, and consumed nothing but the ambiance, guys' cologne, girls' perfume, sweaty air, and horribly mixed club music. While I was at said club, a guy who is friends with the Asian posse (who is also Asians- your red flags should already be going up) arrived. Greeted me with a little squeeze on the side and a nice hello with the eyes, along with a verbal hello. Mentally, I said oh no. Outwardly I said hi and ran away. (background about him, we'll call him... Shortie, cuz he was shorter than me when I was wearing 5 inch heels: at a friend's bday outing last month, he asked me if I was single as I walked by him. I said yes and kept walking, not thinking much of it. For the rest of the night, he just watched me from afar. Then as he left, he told me how nice I looked. I didn't think much of it but that's the background) Last night, the squeeze and the hello... I ran away. Then the night carried on. I didn't see him. I danced. My friend starting dancing with these other Asian guys we didn't know... I. did. not. The night wore on. All of a sudden, Shortie materialized by my side and was saying good-bye to all my friends. Then my dialogue with him went like this:

• Shortie: I'm leaving now.
• Me: Ok
• Shortie: If you ask me to stay, I'll stay
  
• Me: You should stay if you want to
• Shortie: Give me a reason to stay. I have to leave but I can stay 5 more minutes if you ask me to stay
• Me: You should stay if you want to...
• Shortie: You're breaking my heart
• Me: What? (pretending I didn't hear him over the music and people)
• Him: I'm going to go now
• Me: Okay, BYE!!

Yup. That's how it went. "You're breaking my heart"?!?!?! What does that mean? I mean, boy, I don't know you. We've never had a real conversation. I haven't done anything to you. I DON'T want you to stay but I'm too nice to tell you that. Who are you? I mean overall, I. am. not. interested. @(*@!&#^#&*^

But on a happier note, I got a free pair of Fergalicious by Fergie shoes at the bar. They were giving 15 pairs away at the bar and I got one! They're black gladiator heels, zipper down the middle, very cute! So much fun and FREE!! Then on our way home from the bar, we managed to squeeze 4 people in the back seat and 2 people in the passenger seat of a little Honda. No worries, no drunk driving, just an illegal number of passengers.

Recap of the night:

• Drums are awesome.
• Shortie = that was weird. I don't like you if you're weird. I don't like uncomfortable situations. I run away. Plus, I don't want to date right now, but that's a whole other discussion. And another thought, if you're Asian, I'm sorry but you better be able to knock my socks off, shoot stars out of your behind, and be able to outshine the sun before I consider dating you. AAAAND I will only reconsider if you look like a particular C-pop star I think is hot. Sorry... it's a slight problem I have. Let's just call it baggage and leave it at that. Soooooo the recap kind of went on a tangent. But was only supposed to say: Shortie, my answer is no no.
  
• I got a new pair of shoes for free.

See? Much better Jess post, wouldn't you say? Did you giggle a little? I did as I wrote it.

Quality Time on My Knees and in My Head

I've spent an interestingly long time on my knees lately. No, don't think dirty. At WORK I kneel and put things away. Restocking and such. I've noticed how much time I spend on my knees and how much that hurts! But it's easier than constantly bending over. The thought was that I wish I had knee pads when I work. Now as for doing other things on my knees... well, I can do that without knee pads.

Spring Break has come and gone. I spent a little time at home and got to enjoy a meal a great friend who I've missed a lot. Also I got to sleep in. Best thing ever. I spent quality time with my mom, which ended up being great fun. We ate a lot of Chinese food and watched movies. I am fully embracing the Chinese food and Chinese pop music side of my Chinese-ness. Not sure about any other side yet. Pretty much ate myself into a delightful Chinese food coma... best feeling EVER. Better than an American food coma. I'm serious. WAY better. Try it some time. But try it with authentic Chinese food and then you will see what I mean.

I can't believe it's March. Time has definitely flown by. The semester is almost OVER. Unbelievable. Two of my favorite people are returning to the USA in April- we're almost there! Can't wait to see them. I'm still searching for my way abroad for 6 months. Keep your fingers crossed for me!

So I've been doing some thinking. It's fascinating how much has changed since I've moved out here. I was so miserable those first few months. I think it takes a few months to adjust to a new place when you don't know a single soul. And I have definitely learned the art of self-soothing. Amazing how you don't really have to do that when you have really great friends around you. But I definitely realized how I need to do that without having someone a few minutes away to talk to, hug, or to cry on their shoulder. I am much better these days. Happy is a good state of mind.

Now if it could just stop RAINING in Boston, I'd be happier!

Asian Sensation

I am trying to come fully into my Asian-ness. And you're wondering how I am going about this? I am embracing Chinese pop music aka C-pop. AND I find one of them rather attractive. His name is Wang Lee Hom. And yes, I find him rather attractive. It's a first. Yes, it's okay. Breathe, pick your jaw up off the floor. He's a popstar. It's like thinking Justin Timberlake is cute. So I've been studying and jamming out to my C-pop. Embracing the Asian-ness. Before you know it, I'll be a real Asian.

I'm also thinking about spending Chinese New Year in Taiwan next year. That would be a culminating Asian experience, filled with family fun and great food! We'll see if it pans out.

Tea. All about my tea. It is the best way to start off a morning. Harney & Sons Paris tea. Great black tea that makes my morning so much easier to wake up to. Along with some Jessica's Pan Rustica. Yes, there is bread named after me. Or I was named after bread. But it's so delicious. Some people like it with butter. I still don't like butter, so I like it plain. Plain toast with my tea. So great!

I would just like to share that I just tried to open a screw top wine with a cork screw... I am so brilliant. Tehehe.

Fake boobs: How do we feel? I feel you should do what makes you happy. It's your body. Do what you want.

Africa- here I come. At least I think so. Application for country by South Africa = Done. Plans for other countries if I don't get it = in motion. If I go to China rather than Africa, I'd be okay with that too. But let's keep our fingers crossed for Africa. The other side of the Atlantic Ocean sounds so appealing right now. Someone, please take me! (I'd like a little money help too... that'd help out a poor grad student...)

Anyone want to go with me to Australia? There are beaches and sun, I promise. I need a vacation. Midterms make me want to subject myself to Chinese Needle Torture... (not quite at the level as the Breast Ripper...)

Good night!

That's no good.

Thought 1 for the early morning:
I can't cook. It's true. This means I will never make a good wife. Ever. Also means I'm not a good catch. See this would be okay if I wanted to be a nun and live my days out devoted to God. Not that cool when I can't woo someone with my cooking skills.

Thought 2:
Why can't I sleep? Oh who knows. I have a problem...

Thought 3:
Will we go to war with China? Interesting... that'd be no good. Plus I'd prefer not to be put into an internment camp like back in WWII... I'm just saying. I don't like the idea.

Thought 4:
I like being Asian these days. I'm trying to embrace it. Note: trying. Practicing my Chinese, looking for ways to cook (even though I can't), etc

Thought 5:
What does dating look like? I have no idea anymore.

Light My Sapphire

Yes, please. Light My Sapphire!!!

Don't have a dirty mind. It is the color of the nail polish I'm currently wearing. My manicure has me showing different colors this week. It's a super dark blue, almost close to black. I've never worn such dark polish, but it makes me feel bad a$$! Now all I need is a streak of lightning blue in my hair... one can only dream.

Now really, I spent all of Saturday puking my brains and insides out. Oh classic hangover... my abs hurt so much from it. My body also just hurts. It started off as a great Friday night though. Drinks all around. Happiness in the air. Oh, I may have hung out a bit with the Asian Posse and had fun!! I am trying to embrace my inner Asian... I'm trying. Maybe one day you'll see me and I'll be a true Asian. tehehe.

I have tons of work to do this week, but I just can't get over how awesome my nails look. Looooooove!

I also love the name of the polish.

A Sound Bite

Yesterday I saw a guy who looked exactly like Russell Brand. Except this guy was Asian. So just picture Russell Brand and make him Asian. And there you have it! It was uncanny and amazing at the same time.

Well, I haven't had a day off work since I got back last Sunday. So I'm a little exhausted. Already behind in school- I'm 1 week in. It's going to be a long semester. A life-draining, soul-sucking, energy-depleting semester of work and school. I pray that it's worth it and that I'm alive in May.

I really have nothing new to say other than that... so I think I will now do homework

Mohawks, Mojo, and Much More

On my way back to this side of the US, I saw this kid on my flight. He had the most impressive mohawk going. And managed not to ruin it the entire flight. THEN as we left the plane, he put on this great hat. It had a hole cut down the center to accommodate his mohawk. How crazy yet cool is that?! I was pretty impressed. With the hair, the hat, and his entire get-up. Pretty sweet. PS he was Asian. And no, I didn't find him attractive.

It's back to the grind here. Back to school... back to reading more than I ever want to. And back to the insomnia. I am currently unable to fall asleep. It sucks. I lay here and just think. Mind racing all over the place. I can't ever seem to quiet down. Too many things to do, to plan... tomorrow is always another day. I don't get a day off of work until next Saturday... I just hope my mojo can last that long.

Current favorite song: Brooklyn by Wakey!Wakey! (yes it rocks)
Current favorite class: the one I have from 9-12 Monday, Wednesday, Friday. It's great, but it's also going to kill me.
Current favorite pastime: finding new recipes that I will probably never make
Current favorite CD: Ben Folds' Rockin' the Suburbs (yes it is still that fantastic)

My thoughts go out to the earthquake victims in Haiti. Can't wait to see how the Proposition 8 trial turns out. Seoul made it on New York Times' 31 Places to Go in 2010 list. Maybe I will venture that way this year. And finally, the BBC has told me that UK experts say having a large butt, hips, and thighs is good for my health. Does that mean I can stop working out?

Some Weirdness and A Touch of Home

Yesterday, at one point, I managed to find myself in the presence of about 10 Asians. I was in shock, to say the least. I went out to the bars with a few friends (they're Asian) and they saw some of their Asian friends. It turned out that it was one of their birthdays, so it was a BIG Asian mixer in our area of the bar. And when I say mixer, I mean... 2 other girls and me with a whole bunch of Asian guys with more product in their hair than I had in my hair. CRAZY!!! I immediately thought of all my wonderful Caucasian friends back at home (or wherever in the world they might be) and missed them terribly. Guys, I'm totally white-washed. I don't know how I feel about being in the presence of so many Asians who I'm not related to. When I'm related to them, it's just a family reunion. Last night? That was just weird. There were just so many of them! I bet they're nice (sober or not) but... not for me!! I'm the Midwest-grown, dairy product-fed (no cheese) girl who usually turns out to be the token Asian in a group of friends, not that I mind at all. But I learned a few things (that I already knew but would like to re-emphasize):

- They need LESS hair product, LESS! If your hair doesn't budge at all, no matter what you're doing, how much head shaking there is, how hard you jump on the dance floor, how much you run around, how horribly you're puking on the street, you need to seriously reassess the amount of hair product you're using.
- They need to not try to hit on me. It's never going to work; I'm not attracted to you. No matter how much alcohol you try to give me... which, by the way, if I ask for WATER, don't bring me more alcohol. Doesn't make me want to take off my clothes for you, dance up on you, or go home with you any more than I wanted to 10 minutes ago. No means NO.
- There is no need to be vain. Yes I can see the veins popping out of your buff arms, but hey, white guys have that too... actually lots of guys in general have that.

Movie shooting seems to happen throughout Boston recently. Tom Cruise and Cameron Diaz were shooting a few blocks from my place during the week. The movie will be called Wichita, I think. Let me tell you, at some point when Cameron Diaz is in a yellow dress and boots, that's close to my place. And I believe they filmed a car crash scene there too. Today I happened upon the set of the new Ben Affleck movie, something about bank robbers? I was told the film is called The Town. There were cops, FBI, and some gun fire. A girl I talked to said she saw Ben Affleck smoking somewhere and was starstruck. I guess Boston is the place to be to try to get a glimpse of a few new movie shoots.

Today was also a very nice day for a taste of home. I went to watch the Badger game at a bar with the UW alumni association- Boston people. It was fun!! All of us in our Badger get-up in the middle of Boston. But I sure did miss Madison and being in Camp Randall. Pretty cool! I ended up running into a guy who took Biocore with me on the T. Turns out he was also headed toward the bar... crazy small world we live in! I guess he moved to Boston and is working and applying to med schools. I was just so amazed that I ran into him... on the T!

Pretty solid weekend! But tomorrow will have to be a day of studying. I need to be productive BECAUSE my weekend in Madison is coming up!!! I don't want to have work to do that weekend! 19 Days before my feet return to Midwestern soil!!!