Two heads are NOT better than one

My experiences from this weekend has led me to lose most of my barely existent hope in the fundamental normalness of the opposite sex...

Dear Shortie aka Hipster aka I've written about you before,
1) Red handkerchief thing makes you look like a cowboy. A hipster cowboy. You look ridiculous
2) Asking me to tell you 3 interesting things about myself is not a pick up line.
3) Nor is "I recently saw a movie that was really deep and meaningful. It was called Toy Story."
4) Sticking your tongue down my throat is completely uncalled for, disgusting, and not a way to win my heart. Ever.
5) Please never speak to me again.

Dear Grabber,
1) Hanging onto my elbow as I take a break from the dance floor is not a good way to get my attention.
2) Not letting go when I deliberately refuse to turn and look at you and start making conversation with my friends is really not okay.
3) The fact that I walked away without ever looking at you and grabbing the first guy friend I see to dance with is an indication that I'm not interested. Stop staring.

There has to be a rule for texting. I'm sure of it. A school people need to be sent to where they learn how to text new friends appropriately. Where they learn what is okay and not okay to say to people they are interested in. If we're friends and we text crazy things, that's one thing. Texting me if you barely know me at all should be kept to appropriate, friendly, neutral, normal things.

And again, may I reiterate, grabbing a girl, sticking your tongue down her throat, and telling her you may never get this chance again when she has not flirted with you is NOT OKAY.

My theme song is Telephone.

PS Saw the singer JoJo on Saturday night. Who knew she was still singing? Not I.
PPS There may have been pole dancing on Friday night- I did not partake in that one. BUT I may have been ridiculous enough to have danced on a runway Saturday night.

Brain Vom (dialed down for your sake)

How do you make a decision? Just pick it? Throw a dart at a wall? How do you know it's the right one? Pro/Con lists suck. They don't help.

What is your destiny? Do you create it? Or is it just something that will happen? Life is like a choose your own adventure book. Except you can't cheat by reading all the different endings.

I'm taking a poll

What should I do? Where should I go?

• Philippines
• China
• Uganda

What do you think?

PS I can count to 10 in 5 languages now... I think that's as far as it goes though. Arabic, Chinese, English, Spanish, Tagalog.

Starstruck

I SAW THE MOST AMAZING FIGURE SKATER EVER TODAY; her initials are MK and she's Asian. Come on, I think you can guess who it is. I was in awe, like one of those stupid fans that just stands there and stares. I didn't realize it was her in the beginning. I was just staring out at the people at work and then was like: "Hmm she looks familiar. Oh wait, is that MK? That IS MK! Wow, she looks amazing in person, all decked out in work out clothes with a yoga mat." It was amazing. I was so excited. I SAW HER. I was tempted to run out of the store and get her autograph, but I restrained myself. Maybe someday I'll be able to get it. Maybe we can be friends? Haha probably not.

Running hurts. My legs hurt. It is difficult. I'm trying to get my body to like to run. Watching the Boston Marathon? PHENOMENAL. People are amazing. They run so fast. They run 26.2 miles faster than I would run a half-marathon. Inspired me to want to love running. Thus far, I hate it. It hurts. Any Advice?

Insomnia, Insomnia

I haven't been able to fall asleep the last few nights and it's starting to bother me a lot. I'm tired during the day, can't sleep at night. All these thoughts fluttering across my brain and ideas across my eyelids when I close my eyes. It's ridiculous! I took a Tylenol PM yesterday, but I don't have any today and I figured I shouldn't start depending on drugs to fall asleep. But here I am. With my thoughts. Laying in bed. In the early AM.

Going abroad:
Applied to go to the Philippines.
In talks about working in an orphanage in Zimbabwe.
China is always an option.
Haven't heard back from Malawi.
Emailed someone about Uganda.
There's even an application to Tajikistan in there somewhere.
Pretty sure I've applied to more things that I should have.
BUT I still don't have a place to go yet.

Work:
I think about work a lot when I'm not there. Why? Cuz I can't leave things when I'm done at the end of my shift.

School:
Learning. Homework. I read a lot.

Panda-ness:
This is what I am calling it from now on, the Asian phase I'm in. Panda-ness. I am a insomniac panda right now. Sometimes I am a study panda. One time I wanted to be a stealth panda. Usually when I'm in the library, I'm a sad panda. Most days, I'm a busy panda. One of these days (hopefully this weekend), I'll be a lazy panda. See? Panda-ness. Complete with Chinese Pop music my mom brought back from China for me. LoOoOoOoVe.

Random Career Change?
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Become a Psychologist. Sounds very interesting. To understand or TRY to understand how the mind works. Fascinating. But then I would have to listen to people talk all day. Sometimes I'd be okay with that. Other days, I'd probably want to strangle my patients or send them to a mental hospital, so maybe this is a good sign. A sign that I wasn't supposed to go be a shrink.

Running:
I am trying. Aka once. No, wait. Twice. It's hard. My butt hurts. My feet are messed up. My kneecap hates me (popped it out in high school). I DID get new shoes. They are comfy and blue. I like blue running shoes. They inspire me. Other colors, not so much. Why? Because if I have to do something painful, like run. I better be able to do it with something on my feet that is pretty to look at when it sits in the corner of my room. You think I'm crazy? I don't care. It's my logic. Deal with it. I like pretty colored things.

Another Career:
Sometimes when I work at the store, I think it might have been fun to be a business major. Run a business. Etc etc etc. Maybe not though. What if you fail? Go bankrupt? Yea, that would be rough.

Vampires:
Twilight- dislike. Sorry whoever loves it, I don't. True Blood- wants to watch it. Vampire Diaries- like. Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale- like. Buffy- Like. I am Legend- um scary. Ok so I think it boils down to me not liking Twilight. I'm sorry. I just don't find the movies as fascinatingly amazing as everyone else. As for my relationship with CW TV shows, you should know how I feel about One Tree Hill, so I'm sorry. But yes, I like Vampire Diaries. It's amusing and the boys are cute. Sue me.

As the hour drags close to... oh 2AM as I finish this word, I guess I should try closing my eyes again. Maybe I'll dream about blue-skinned vampires who are psychologists who are shrinking my head in a candy store in Tajikistan. Now that would be fun.

Dark Cloud Over My Head

Sometimes I hate reality. Real life. Being alive, having feelings, thinking thoughts. And today is one of those days. If I could just stop thinking, forget everything, and just disappear, I'd be really happy for a while.

I really need a destressor. And right now, I don't have one.

Oh it's Tuesday

Sometimes life just isn't fair. If you're attractive and you're as dumb as a box of rocks, that is unbelievably unfortunate. If you're as bright as a light bulb and uglier than fugly, that is also ridiculously unlucky.

I am currently eating yogurt with a spoon- it is rather difficult. I'm losing a lot of yogurt.

I have a giant bruise on my foot where a girl stepped on me Saturday night at a bar. That is also unfortunate.

I have an incredible case of ADHD or something to that effect right now. It is rather absurd.

I want to do an internship abroad, but that is proving to be much harder to figure out and plan than expected. Especially when you're waiting to hear back from other people. I've been googling plane ticket prices recently. Flights to Africa are so so so expensive! Yeeouch! I could break the bank to try and fly there.

So here's a question for you: would you rather be gorgeous yet stupid or ugly yet brilliant? And no, you cannot say "I'd just like to be a happy medium of both." It doesn't work like that. One or the other!

And finally I would like to conclude with something written by the amazing writer Shel Silverstein because it is stuck in my head:

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too went for a ride in a flying shoe,
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It's time we flew!" said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.

Ickle was Captain
Pickle was Crew
Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher and Higher and HIGHER they flew,
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!" cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.

Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Never returned to the world they knew
And nobody knows
What Happened to
Dear Ickle Me,
Pickle Me,
Tickle Me too.