How do you make a decision? Just pick it? Throw a dart at a wall? How do you know it's the right one? Pro/Con lists suck. They don't help.
What is your destiny? Do you create it? Or is it just something that will happen? Life is like a choose your own adventure book. Except you can't cheat by reading all the different endings.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Thursday, April 22, 2010
I'm taking a poll
What should I do? Where should I go?
PS I can count to 10 in 5 languages now... I think that's as far as it goes though. Arabic, Chinese, English, Spanish, Tagalog.
- Philippines
- China
- Uganda
PS I can count to 10 in 5 languages now... I think that's as far as it goes though. Arabic, Chinese, English, Spanish, Tagalog.
Wednesday, April 21, 2010
Starstruck
I SAW THE MOST AMAZING FIGURE SKATER EVER TODAY; her initials are MK and she's Asian. Come on, I think you can guess who it is. I was in awe, like one of those stupid fans that just stands there and stares. I didn't realize it was her in the beginning. I was just staring out at the people at work and then was like: "Hmm she looks familiar. Oh wait, is that MK? That IS MK! Wow, she looks amazing in person, all decked out in work out clothes with a yoga mat." It was amazing. I was so excited. I SAW HER. I was tempted to run out of the store and get her autograph, but I restrained myself. Maybe someday I'll be able to get it. Maybe we can be friends? Haha probably not.
Running hurts. My legs hurt. It is difficult. I'm trying to get my body to like to run. Watching the Boston Marathon? PHENOMENAL. People are amazing. They run so fast. They run 26.2 miles faster than I would run a half-marathon. Inspired me to want to love running. Thus far, I hate it. It hurts. Any Advice?
Running hurts. My legs hurt. It is difficult. I'm trying to get my body to like to run. Watching the Boston Marathon? PHENOMENAL. People are amazing. They run so fast. They run 26.2 miles faster than I would run a half-marathon. Inspired me to want to love running. Thus far, I hate it. It hurts. Any Advice?
Friday, April 16, 2010
Insomnia, Insomnia
I haven't been able to fall asleep the last few nights and it's starting to bother me a lot. I'm tired during the day, can't sleep at night. All these thoughts fluttering across my brain and ideas across my eyelids when I close my eyes. It's ridiculous! I took a Tylenol PM yesterday, but I don't have any today and I figured I shouldn't start depending on drugs to fall asleep. But here I am. With my thoughts. Laying in bed. In the early AM.
Going abroad:
Applied to go to the Philippines.
In talks about working in an orphanage in Zimbabwe.
China is always an option.
Haven't heard back from Malawi.
Emailed someone about Uganda.
There's even an application to Tajikistan in there somewhere.
Pretty sure I've applied to more things that I should have.
BUT I still don't have a place to go yet.
Work:
I think about work a lot when I'm not there. Why? Cuz I can't leave things when I'm done at the end of my shift.
School:
Learning. Homework. I read a lot.
Panda-ness:
This is what I am calling it from now on, the Asian phase I'm in. Panda-ness. I am a insomniac panda right now. Sometimes I am a study panda. One time I wanted to be a stealth panda. Usually when I'm in the library, I'm a sad panda. Most days, I'm a busy panda. One of these days (hopefully this weekend), I'll be a lazy panda. See? Panda-ness. Complete with Chinese Pop music my mom brought back from China for me. LoOoOoOoVe.
Random Career Change?
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Become a Psychologist. Sounds very interesting. To understand or TRY to understand how the mind works. Fascinating. But then I would have to listen to people talk all day. Sometimes I'd be okay with that. Other days, I'd probably want to strangle my patients or send them to a mental hospital, so maybe this is a good sign. A sign that I wasn't supposed to go be a shrink.
Running:
I am trying. Aka once. No, wait. Twice. It's hard. My butt hurts. My feet are messed up. My kneecap hates me (popped it out in high school). I DID get new shoes. They are comfy and blue. I like blue running shoes. They inspire me. Other colors, not so much. Why? Because if I have to do something painful, like run. I better be able to do it with something on my feet that is pretty to look at when it sits in the corner of my room. You think I'm crazy? I don't care. It's my logic. Deal with it. I like pretty colored things.
Another Career:
Sometimes when I work at the store, I think it might have been fun to be a business major. Run a business. Etc etc etc. Maybe not though. What if you fail? Go bankrupt? Yea, that would be rough.
Vampires:
Twilight- dislike. Sorry whoever loves it, I don't. True Blood- wants to watch it. Vampire Diaries- like. Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale- like. Buffy- Like. I am Legend- um scary. Ok so I think it boils down to me not liking Twilight. I'm sorry. I just don't find the movies as fascinatingly amazing as everyone else. As for my relationship with CW TV shows, you should know how I feel about One Tree Hill, so I'm sorry. But yes, I like Vampire Diaries. It's amusing and the boys are cute. Sue me.
As the hour drags close to... oh 2AM as I finish this word, I guess I should try closing my eyes again. Maybe I'll dream about blue-skinned vampires who are psychologists who are shrinking my head in a candy store in Tajikistan. Now that would be fun.
Going abroad:
Applied to go to the Philippines.
In talks about working in an orphanage in Zimbabwe.
China is always an option.
Haven't heard back from Malawi.
Emailed someone about Uganda.
There's even an application to Tajikistan in there somewhere.
Pretty sure I've applied to more things that I should have.
BUT I still don't have a place to go yet.
Work:
I think about work a lot when I'm not there. Why? Cuz I can't leave things when I'm done at the end of my shift.
School:
Learning. Homework. I read a lot.
Panda-ness:
This is what I am calling it from now on, the Asian phase I'm in. Panda-ness. I am a insomniac panda right now. Sometimes I am a study panda. One time I wanted to be a stealth panda. Usually when I'm in the library, I'm a sad panda. Most days, I'm a busy panda. One of these days (hopefully this weekend), I'll be a lazy panda. See? Panda-ness. Complete with Chinese Pop music my mom brought back from China for me. LoOoOoOoVe.
Random Career Change?
Sometimes I wonder why I didn't go into Psychology. Become a Psychologist. Sounds very interesting. To understand or TRY to understand how the mind works. Fascinating. But then I would have to listen to people talk all day. Sometimes I'd be okay with that. Other days, I'd probably want to strangle my patients or send them to a mental hospital, so maybe this is a good sign. A sign that I wasn't supposed to go be a shrink.
Running:
I am trying. Aka once. No, wait. Twice. It's hard. My butt hurts. My feet are messed up. My kneecap hates me (popped it out in high school). I DID get new shoes. They are comfy and blue. I like blue running shoes. They inspire me. Other colors, not so much. Why? Because if I have to do something painful, like run. I better be able to do it with something on my feet that is pretty to look at when it sits in the corner of my room. You think I'm crazy? I don't care. It's my logic. Deal with it. I like pretty colored things.
Another Career:
Sometimes when I work at the store, I think it might have been fun to be a business major. Run a business. Etc etc etc. Maybe not though. What if you fail? Go bankrupt? Yea, that would be rough.
Vampires:
Twilight- dislike. Sorry whoever loves it, I don't. True Blood- wants to watch it. Vampire Diaries- like. Underworld movies with Kate Beckinsale- like. Buffy- Like. I am Legend- um scary. Ok so I think it boils down to me not liking Twilight. I'm sorry. I just don't find the movies as fascinatingly amazing as everyone else. As for my relationship with CW TV shows, you should know how I feel about One Tree Hill, so I'm sorry. But yes, I like Vampire Diaries. It's amusing and the boys are cute. Sue me.
As the hour drags close to... oh 2AM as I finish this word, I guess I should try closing my eyes again. Maybe I'll dream about blue-skinned vampires who are psychologists who are shrinking my head in a candy store in Tajikistan. Now that would be fun.
Monday, April 12, 2010
Dark Cloud Over My Head
Sometimes I hate reality. Real life. Being alive, having feelings, thinking thoughts. And today is one of those days. If I could just stop thinking, forget everything, and just disappear, I'd be really happy for a while.
I really need a destressor. And right now, I don't have one.
I really need a destressor. And right now, I don't have one.
Tuesday, April 6, 2010
Oh it's Tuesday
Sometimes life just isn't fair. If you're attractive and you're as dumb as a box of rocks, that is unbelievably unfortunate. If you're as bright as a light bulb and uglier than fugly, that is also ridiculously unlucky.
I am currently eating yogurt with a spoon- it is rather difficult. I'm losing a lot of yogurt.
I have a giant bruise on my foot where a girl stepped on me Saturday night at a bar. That is also unfortunate.
I have an incredible case of ADHD or something to that effect right now. It is rather absurd.
I want to do an internship abroad, but that is proving to be much harder to figure out and plan than expected. Especially when you're waiting to hear back from other people. I've been googling plane ticket prices recently. Flights to Africa are so so so expensive! Yeeouch! I could break the bank to try and fly there.
So here's a question for you: would you rather be gorgeous yet stupid or ugly yet brilliant? And no, you cannot say "I'd just like to be a happy medium of both." It doesn't work like that. One or the other!
And finally I would like to conclude with something written by the amazing writer Shel Silverstein because it is stuck in my head:
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too went for a ride in a flying shoe,
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It's time we flew!" said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle was Captain
Pickle was Crew
Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher and Higher and HIGHER they flew,
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!" cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Never returned to the world they knew
And nobody knows
What Happened to
Dear Ickle Me,
Pickle Me,
Tickle Me too.
I am currently eating yogurt with a spoon- it is rather difficult. I'm losing a lot of yogurt.
I have a giant bruise on my foot where a girl stepped on me Saturday night at a bar. That is also unfortunate.
I have an incredible case of ADHD or something to that effect right now. It is rather absurd.
I want to do an internship abroad, but that is proving to be much harder to figure out and plan than expected. Especially when you're waiting to hear back from other people. I've been googling plane ticket prices recently. Flights to Africa are so so so expensive! Yeeouch! I could break the bank to try and fly there.
So here's a question for you: would you rather be gorgeous yet stupid or ugly yet brilliant? And no, you cannot say "I'd just like to be a happy medium of both." It doesn't work like that. One or the other!
And finally I would like to conclude with something written by the amazing writer Shel Silverstein because it is stuck in my head:
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too went for a ride in a flying shoe,
"Hooray!"
"What fun!"
"It's time we flew!" said Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle was Captain
Pickle was Crew
Tickle served coffee and mulligan stew
As higher and Higher and HIGHER they flew,
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too,
Over the sun and beyond the blue.
"Hold on!"
"Stay in!"
"I hope we do!" cried Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too.
Ickle Me, Pickle Me, Tickle Me too
Never returned to the world they knew
And nobody knows
What Happened to
Dear Ickle Me,
Pickle Me,
Tickle Me too.
Sunday, March 28, 2010
Drums, a Guy & a Pair of Shoes
I haven't had anything good to write about in a while, but I do now.
Yesterday I saw an Asian drum show. The one main drummer dude... amazing. He was intensely ripped. Like whoa. He was Asian so I say this in the most platonic, observant way possible. At the end, the guys wore loin clothes and drummed. His a$$ was great. His entire body... whoa... I haven't seen someone that built in real life in a while. Aside from that, the show itself was sweet. Phenomenal. Fantastic. Any more words to describe it? Oh: powerful, intense, passionate, and super meditative. It was WOW! Loved!
Then I went to a club with my Asians. Just a few that I'm better friends with. And I clubbed... well let's just say I was there, had been sick with the stomach flu all week, and consumed nothing but the ambiance, guys' cologne, girls' perfume, sweaty air, and horribly mixed club music. While I was at said club, a guy who is friends with the Asian posse (who is also Asians- your red flags should already be going up) arrived. Greeted me with a little squeeze on the side and a nice hello with the eyes, along with a verbal hello. Mentally, I said oh no. Outwardly I said hi and ran away. (background about him, we'll call him... Shortie, cuz he was shorter than me when I was wearing 5 inch heels: at a friend's bday outing last month, he asked me if I was single as I walked by him. I said yes and kept walking, not thinking much of it. For the rest of the night, he just watched me from afar. Then as he left, he told me how nice I looked. I didn't think much of it but that's the background) Last night, the squeeze and the hello... I ran away. Then the night carried on. I didn't see him. I danced. My friend starting dancing with these other Asian guys we didn't know... I. did. not. The night wore on. All of a sudden, Shortie materialized by my side and was saying good-bye to all my friends. Then my dialogue with him went like this:
But on a happier note, I got a free pair of Fergalicious by Fergie shoes at the bar. They were giving 15 pairs away at the bar and I got one! They're black gladiator heels, zipper down the middle, very cute! So much fun and FREE!! Then on our way home from the bar, we managed to squeeze 4 people in the back seat and 2 people in the passenger seat of a little Honda. No worries, no drunk driving, just an illegal number of passengers.
Recap of the night:
Yesterday I saw an Asian drum show. The one main drummer dude... amazing. He was intensely ripped. Like whoa. He was Asian so I say this in the most platonic, observant way possible. At the end, the guys wore loin clothes and drummed. His a$$ was great. His entire body... whoa... I haven't seen someone that built in real life in a while. Aside from that, the show itself was sweet. Phenomenal. Fantastic. Any more words to describe it? Oh: powerful, intense, passionate, and super meditative. It was WOW! Loved!
Then I went to a club with my Asians. Just a few that I'm better friends with. And I clubbed... well let's just say I was there, had been sick with the stomach flu all week, and consumed nothing but the ambiance, guys' cologne, girls' perfume, sweaty air, and horribly mixed club music. While I was at said club, a guy who is friends with the Asian posse (who is also Asians- your red flags should already be going up) arrived. Greeted me with a little squeeze on the side and a nice hello with the eyes, along with a verbal hello. Mentally, I said oh no. Outwardly I said hi and ran away. (background about him, we'll call him... Shortie, cuz he was shorter than me when I was wearing 5 inch heels: at a friend's bday outing last month, he asked me if I was single as I walked by him. I said yes and kept walking, not thinking much of it. For the rest of the night, he just watched me from afar. Then as he left, he told me how nice I looked. I didn't think much of it but that's the background) Last night, the squeeze and the hello... I ran away. Then the night carried on. I didn't see him. I danced. My friend starting dancing with these other Asian guys we didn't know... I. did. not. The night wore on. All of a sudden, Shortie materialized by my side and was saying good-bye to all my friends. Then my dialogue with him went like this:
- Shortie: I'm leaving now.
- Me: Ok
- Shortie: If you ask me to stay, I'll stay
- Me: You should stay if you want to
- Shortie: Give me a reason to stay. I have to leave but I can stay 5 more minutes if you ask me to stay
- Me: You should stay if you want to...
- Shortie: You're breaking my heart
- Me: What? (pretending I didn't hear him over the music and people)
- Him: I'm going to go now
- Me: Okay, BYE!!
But on a happier note, I got a free pair of Fergalicious by Fergie shoes at the bar. They were giving 15 pairs away at the bar and I got one! They're black gladiator heels, zipper down the middle, very cute! So much fun and FREE!! Then on our way home from the bar, we managed to squeeze 4 people in the back seat and 2 people in the passenger seat of a little Honda. No worries, no drunk driving, just an illegal number of passengers.
Recap of the night:
- Drums are awesome.
- Shortie = that was weird. I don't like you if you're weird. I don't like uncomfortable situations. I run away. Plus, I don't want to date right now, but that's a whole other discussion. And another thought, if you're Asian, I'm sorry but you better be able to knock my socks off, shoot stars out of your behind, and be able to outshine the sun before I consider dating you. AAAAND I will only reconsider if you look like a particular C-pop star I think is hot. Sorry... it's a slight problem I have. Let's just call it baggage and leave it at that. Soooooo the recap kind of went on a tangent. But was only supposed to say: Shortie, my answer is no no.
- I got a new pair of shoes for free.
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